


In Winter's Wrath

by IceAurora



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Gay, Genderfluid Character, Insomnia, M/M, Original Character(s), Psychological, Sleep Paralysis, wtf am i doing with my life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-11-04 09:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10988439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceAurora/pseuds/IceAurora
Summary: Aozora Yuki, a young genius suddenly gets a letter. It had already been more than an entire Figure Skating season since he stepped off the ice. Seeing no harm, he plunges back into the world of Figure Skating for the offseason, travelling to St. Petersberg to see his distant cousin, Katsuki Yuuri and his newfound friends and boyfriend.Yuki is reminded of all the reasons why Ice Skating was such a bittersweet memory for him, but will he fight to remain on the ice or will he give in and surrender to the darkness of his mind?





	1. As It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is waiting anxiously all day despite the fact that all of his friends should've been in St. Petersburg already. When meeting the person, Viktor gets seriously jealous for no reason and I have no idea how to write chapter summaries. An old rink mate of Yuuri's, Aozora Yuki displays immense skill in his craft of figure skating despite never one lacing up his skates in the past few years. Even some of the History Makers cannot compare to his skill level despite skating consistently. Yuuri is determined to get Yuki to skate again, even just for a single competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the very self-indulgent fanfiction by me~ It is not my first fanfiction, but it is the first time I've posted on Archive. Just a few warnings that I think everyone should know.
> 
> 1\. Yuki is technically an overpowered character in almost everything he does, but he isn't perfect by any means. I usually work with overpowered characters to focus more on character development and relationships since I suck at them. If you don't like overpowered characters, maybe don't read.
> 
> 2\. I am a very sarcastic person and this translates into my books. There is going to be a TON of unnecessary swearing, not just to keep characters like Yurio in character (lmao, I can't even explain myself XD), but sometimes just randomly in the book for no particular reason but to make the scene better (?). Basically, you're going to find random swear words in the middle of the book.
> 
> 3\. Trigger warnings for people with mental issues and for a few tragedies. I will add more trigger warnings as the chapters go by to not spoil anything here, but I will be discussing a lot of mental issues, tragedies and things that I personally don't agree with. Yuki has some of the same traits that I have, which happens a lot in my OCs, so maybe some things will be a little more relatable to some and it might hit close to home.
> 
> 4\. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING. I did a lot of research to make sure that I was getting most of my facts correct, but honestly, I have no clue as to what I'm doing, so I may get some information about Figure Skating, Japan, Russia, competitions, some history, some characters, mental issues and a lot of other stuff wrong. I've tried to make it line up with the anime and make everything in the book work, but it's honestly not that easy. I'm a freeform author and I honestly can't plan to help anything. 
> 
> Literally, I planned something for the end of this book, but my freeform writing had me changing so much and writing another 10 thousand words to make it right. 
> 
> So, I apologise for any inconsistencies and errors in this book. I also don't have a beta to help me edit, so I do most of it myself and some will escape my eyes. 
> 
> Other than that, thank you all! (I personally don't read chapter notes because I'm too lazy and I just want to get to the story, so thank you if you're reading this!)

Yuuri had been looking at the entrance all day, leaving most of his rink mates confused as to why he seemed skittish. During one of his practices, he looked toward the door to see a familiar figure walking through, trying his best to stay unnoticed. Yuuri forgot about practice and skated over, waving excitedly.

 

“ _Yuki!_ ”

 

The hooded person with glasses looked over and smiled, waving shyly. “ _H-hi…._ ” He muttered, looking away. “ _Thanks for this, Yuuri-san…._ ”

 

“ _Come on! We’re too close for such formal language and honorifics._ ” Yuuri smiled softly. “ _Do you have your skates?_ ”

 

 “ _Yeah… but I don’t exactly want to skate…._ ” Yuki muttered. 

 

 Yuuri’s face fell. “ _I see…._ ” He murmured. 

 

 "Yuuri! Who is that?” 

 

 “Oh, Viktor! This is one of my old rink mates from Hasetsu! Yuki Aozora!” Yuuri introduced in English excitedly. 

 

 “Wow, really? Nice to meet you!” Viktor smiled, offering his hand.

 

 Yuki smiled politely and nervously as he shook Viktor’s hand. Being in the presence of a legendary skater didn’t phase him all that much, he was just a shy person in general. Especially after his career on the Ice ended.

 

 “ _Yuki, there’s a funny tradition we have around here after the main season. It’s the reason why I invited you_ here _, to be honest._ ” Yuuri explained in Japanese. “ _All the members of the rink are to do a free skate on a random song given to them throughout the month. Guests are free to participate or decline and I was thinking that it’s more your style._ ” 

 

Yuki wasn’t able to hide the glimmer of hope in his eyes. “ _Seriously?_ ” 

 

“ _Yeah._ ” Yuuri grinned. 

 

 “ _Makes me want to get back on the ice, but I’m not sure how well I’ll do…._ ” Yuki admitted meekly. “ _I haven’t skated in so long…._ ”

 

“ _Come on! This type of skating it what you’re best at!_ ” Yuuri pleaded. “ _You need to skate!_ ”

 

Viktor smiled awkwardly, wondering if it was appropriate to interrupt the two who spoke in Japanese eagerly. He picked up a few stray words, but nothing could help him understand the two. He looked around the rink to see a lot more of their international skating friends.

 

Viktor had invited them with the tempt of blackmail material for Surprise Skate. There were a few people practising their hearts out on the ice, but most people were mucking around since the week was one of the most relaxed skating weeks they got at St. Petersburg.

 

Yuki somehow ended up on the ice with his skates on, relishing the feeling it gave him. Yuuri stood close, watching at Yuki slipped his earphones in and hit shuffle on his favourites playlist. To Yuuri’s disappointment, Yuki skated around the rink meekly, unwilling to do any of his signature combinations that included many spins and jumps from his younger years.

 

“Yuki! Come on!” 

Yuuri cried, gaining the attention of quite a few skaters who were mucking around.

 

Yuki sighed and focussed on the familiar English lyrics as the song reached its climax. Closing his eyes, Yuki held his arms out gracefully and went for a quick triple flip jump before landing in a sit spin. Slowly, Yuki rose up, transforming the sit spin into a biellmann spin as he held his leg to his head.

 

Kicking off, Yuki went for a quad sal, landing perfectly before instantly going for a double lutz. He landed and stayed as he was, barely daring to open his eyes in slight fear and anticipation. 

 

Yuki’s intuition told him that many eyes were on him, but he focussed on the music to distract himself. He could feel that his breathing was laboured, due to lack of practice on his part. Hearing someone skate up to him, Yuki opened his eyes, knowing that it was Yuuri.

 

“ _See! You haven’t lost your touch!_ ” Yuuri urged. 

 

Yuki gave his old friend a shy smile. “ _Yeah, but something like this never left me completely breathless._ ” Yuki pouted a little. “ _I feel exhausted._ ” He admitted.

 

“ _I was like that when I first began to skate again_.” Yuuri admitted. “ _But that was a hard combo on its own anyway. Doing that should leave just about anyone breathless, but that was the charm about your performances. You also had so much energy when you were younger, didn’t you?_ ”

 

Yuki let out a low chuckle, nodding. 

 

“Oi! Katsudon, who is that?”

 

Yuki raised an eyebrow. “ _Katsudon?_ ” 

 

Yuuri blushed, shaking his head defiantly at the younger man. “Just a friend Yurio!”

 

“He’s surprisingly good!”

 

“I’ve never seen him though…. Does he usually look really different like Yuri does in competitions?”

 

Yuki ignored the comments until he saw Viktor next to him. “That was amazing! Who's your coach?”

 

“Uh,” Yuki looked away in embarrassment. “This is actually my first time back on the ice in over two years....”

 

“What? Two years?” Viktor’s loud voice caught everyone’s attention. “You haven’t skated at all for two years and you can still pull something like that like it’s no big deal!”

 

“He could used to do things much better than that!” Yuuri grinned.

 

“Yuuri-san!” Yuki protested in embarrassment. 

 

“This is Yuki Aozora, one of the best teenage skaters if not the best in Japan from two years ago!” Yuuri introduced.

 

“I’ve retired now though….”

 

Otabek looked at the shy man thoughtfully with the Russian Tiger by his side. Most people assumed that Yuki retired due to injuries, but Otabek knew that if Yuki had an injury, he would not have been able to pull off the combo flawlessly and only be breathless afterwards. Yurio also seemed to make the connection.

 

Which left some people wondering why Yuki had retired in the first place.

 

~~~~~

 

The next day at the rink, Yuki arrived with Yuuri, chatting excitedly because things were about to get serious with the Surprise Skate. Yuki jokingly suggested some songs for Yuuri, sending the older Japanese skater into a blushing mess.

 

Yuki read the atmosphere every five minutes and sensed jealousy from Viktor every single time along with the genuine happiness from Yuuri. Yuki wanted to help Viktor out, but he didn’t really know the legendary skater well enough to manipulate the conversation in the correct direction without the possibility of making things worse.

 

Yuki was in university and studied Psychiatry in order to understand his own self-diagnosed mental issues and discover ways to help himself and others. Being a sensitive person to himself and everyone around him, Yuki was flying through the course, eagerly absorbing information with his genius intelligence. 

 

“ _Are you going_ _to participate?_ ” Yuuri asked in Japanese. 

 

“ _I think I’ll settle for watching first._ ” Yuki looked away in embarrassment. “ _The attention from yesterday was a little much…._ ”

 

“ _Ah, okay. I can ask Viktor to make sure they don’t all bombard you, you know?_ ” Yuuri offered.

 

“ _No, I don’t think that it’ll be necessary. I probably can’t come out of retirement anyway. No coach is going to be willing to coach me after hearing about the stunts I pull._ ” Yuki sighed, ashamed of himself.

 

“ _It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know? I personally love your skating style and the way you go about competitions. There’s a_ fifteen year old _here who has basically gone punk and picks a fight with everyone he sees. He's the one who called me Katsudon yesterday. He's a sweet kid deep down inside_ ” Yuuri laughed a little as they walked into the skating rink.

 

“ _He must be good at skating…._ ” Yuki silently reminisced his times at world events that he once attended. 

 

“ _You know, I’m certain that there’ll be some coach out there willing to nurture that talent of yours and turn it into something great. Viktor has taught me a lot since he became my coach and I’ve learnt how to be more confident in myself and my abilities. What happened at that time wasn’t your fault._ ” 

 

Yuki hummed, simply letting Yuuri know that he heard with no indication whether he agreed or disagreed. 

 

“ _Yuki, I think you need to start entering competitions without a coach and then try your best to find one who’s willing to work with you…. You shouldn’t have quit._ ” Yuuri admitted. 

 

“ _There’s no use, I can’t even perform a mediocre combo without feeling exhausted._ ” 

 

“ _Mediocre? Haha, you're kidding, right? What you did yesterday was expert, definitely not mediocre._ ” 

 

Yuki was never more grateful that only Yuuri had access to this information on him. Almost everything about him online was probably in Japanese and thus no one in St Petersburg could understand it without asking Yuuri. Yuuri also had Yuki's back, so Yuki's data was essentially all safe unless Phichit was involved.

 

“Yuuri, Yuki! Come on, Mila is starting off today!” Viktor urged.

 

Yuki flinched, frowning. The feeling of everyone casually using his given name was completely foreign to it, perhaps to the point it was uncomfortable. Yuki couldn’t help but chuckle when he recognised the song that was being played.

 

It was the quirky song ‘Pen Pineapple Apple Pen’ by that had become an internet meme.

 

Yuki made criticism in his head, taking into consideration that the reddish haired girl who was skating wasn’t completely serious and was making anything she did up on the spot.

 

“ _Oh yeah, if the person does well enough, you can shout ‘Encore’ which will tell the person that they should work on it and perform it as an exhibition skate._ ” Yuuri explained. “ _Everything will be filmed as blackmail material, just saying, but that shouldn’t matter to you, should it?_ ” Yuuri’s eyes glimmered excitedly.

 

“ _Alright? Who’s the next target?_ ” Mila cried, grinning deviously as she watched people shrink back from her position on the ice.

 

Yuuri tapped Viktor’s shoulder and looked at Yuki, who was looking down at his phone, scrolling through a mass of Japanese characters. Viktor grinned and nodded, personally wanting to see what Yuki was capable of.

 

“How about Yuki!” Viktor shouted, pointing at the man. Viktor purposely stood up in order to bring more attention to Yuki

 

Yuki squeaked in surprise, dropping his phone, looking up to see so many eyes on his feminine form. With furrowed eyebrows and a bitten lip, he carefully picked up his phone, slightly intimidated by everyone around him.

 

“Yeah! Yuuri’s friend who did that crazy combination yesterday!” Mila cheered. Everyone started to agree, wanting to see more from Yuki.

 

Yuki looked up, wide-eyed in shock. 

 

Yuuri grinned deviously, holding up Yuki’s black skates. Yuki sighed and nodded in agreement.

 

“He’s doing it!” Viktor yelled, cheering with the rest of the rink. 

 

Yuki took the skates and sighed. Slowly, he took off his glasses and rubbed his dark mysterious eyes. Unzipping his black hoodie, he slowly made his way down the rink as people shouted out suggestions for the song that he had to dance to. 

 

Lacing his skates, he entered the empty skate with his heart pounding a million kilometres an hour. Taking a deep breath, he skated around the rink a couple of times as they finalised his song. 

 

“Okay! Your song is going to be ‘Bounce’ by The Cab.” 

 

Yuki’s posture relaxed because he knew the song. Skating to the middle of the rink, he took a deep breath and looked up with a devious smirk, reciting words in his brain. Anyone who knew the song knew that Yuki was confident and knew exactly what the song was about. 

 

“Let’s do this. Pretend to be an asshole. Keep in character and don't get grossed out.” He whispered to himself as the music began. 

 

Listening to the simple beat, Yuki began skating around the rink, moving his arms with the beat of the drums. Then, the lyrics began. 

 

__ “The lips that slip, are the lips that press.”  
__ “Are the lips that leak, seem to know you best.”  
__ “I put bodies, into motion,”  
_ “Get this skin out in the open.”  
_ __ “Liars turn me on,”

 

Yuki moved his body to the music, arms moving around his body seductively with a sly smile on his lips. He never explicitly used his arms to gesture anything, he implied everything with an elegant dance. He moved gracefully, but there was something about his aura that made everything much more… sensual. 

 

__ “Bedspread bandit since 89,”  
_ “You were your heart on your sleeve,”  
_ __ “I threw mine to the sky!”

 

Yuki stopped and moved effortlessly as if he wasn’t skating, but as if he was walking or dancing on the solid ground. As soon as the singer said the last word, Yuki jumped a quad sal effortlessly and landed during the first word of the chorus.

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby, bounce back to me!” _

 

Yuki smirked as his body moved with the music, keeping up with the rhythm effortlessly and telling a story with his body.

 

_ “You don’t need this,” _

 

As the line ended, Yuki quickly went for a flying sit spin with practised ease.

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby, bounce back to me!” _

 

For the next line, Yuki turned the sit spin into another spin. He changed feet quickly and began to rise up into a half biellmann spin.

 

_ “You don’t need this,” _

 

Yuki instantly broke from the spin, panting slightly as he tried his best to hide it. Skating around, he tried his best to recuperate as he moved along to the music.

 

__ “This is it, call it quits with honesty.”  
_ “You don’t need this.”  
_ __ “Every word is like a curse let loose on me.”

 

Yuki licked his lips slowly, one to coat his dry lips in saliva and two, to add to his performance. Spreading his feet apart just enough to be noticed, he suddenly stopped on the ice with a devious smirk.

 

_ “Your mouth, it moves but fails to speak.” _

 

Licking his lips again, mouthing the next line as he stood there, his hands wandering hands freezing, one at cradling his neck with his head tilted away from the hand and the other one closer to his hips or thigh.

 

_ “And when you use your lips, they’d better be on me.” _

 

As soon as the line finished, Yuki skated off, turning his back to the audience. He broke character for a second, knowing the audience couldn't see him. He sighed, squeezing his delicate eyes shut before biting his lips and sinking back into character, his entire body syncing with the music to create a beautiful dance that captivated his audience with ease with lustful allure.

 

Who said that all Japanese men were timid? There was literally no way with all the magazines sold everywhere.

 

__ “The lies that tie your tongue in knots,”  
__ “Are the words that grew to hit my spots.”  
__ “So filthy, dialed desire,”  
_ “Swallowed pride but spit out fire.”  
_ __ “Liars turn me on.”

 

As the next verse played, Yuki subconsciously lowered the amount of actions he did in order to save his stamina so that he was able to finish the song. Nevertheless, it had the same teasing amorous movements that no one could take their eyes away from. Yuki sent a flirty wink to the empty space between some spectators, making it seem as if he had aimed it at one of the girls or even the guys.

 

__ “Bedspread bandit since 89,”  
_ “You were your heart on your sleeve,”  
_ __ “I threw mine to the sky!”

 

Yuki’s movements became slower as he danced to the music. Moving his arms slowly as if it was ballet, he made sure that anything he did was done enticingly with a matching smile playing on his soft, pink lips.  During the last word, he took off, landing a triple axel as the chorus began.

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby, bounce back to me.” _

 

Yuki landed completely still, the blades of his skates dug into the ice to stabilise himself. He kicked his left leg back and forth to the beat, smiling bewitchingly on the corner of his perfect lips. He kicked off, skating backwards before dropping low, crouching as he travelled backwards. 

 

_ “You don’t need this,” _

 

Yuki quickly stood up, twirling to change directions just before he hit the barrier. 

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby, bounce back to me.” _

 

With a deep breath, Yuki jumped a butterfly jump, landing in a perfect sit spin. He crossed his right leg behind his skating foot, turning the normal sit spin into a corkscrew sit spin.

 

_ “You don’t need this!” _

 

Changing his skating foot, Yuki quickly began to stand and arched his back and lifted his free foot into a perfected bent foot layover spin.

 

_ “This is it,” _

 

Yuki suddenly stopped, looking down with his arms by his side.

 

_ “Call it quits,” _

 

Yuki lifted his chin up, staring blankly with a tempting smile with his hazy eyes.

 

_ “With honesty.” _

 

He immediately pirouetted, turning 180 degrees so that his back was to his audience. 

 

_ “You don’t need him.” _

 

With one arm trailing up his arched back, Yuki tossed his head back, messy black locks framing his alluring face. With a single finger hushing everyone, he suddenly turned his head away and skated off again.

 

_ “Every word is a curse let loose on me.” _

 

Arriving in the middle of the rink, he looked down with his arms by his side.

 

_ “Your mouth it moves but fails to speak.” _

 

Looking up with a smirk on his lips, his right hand was in a position where it looked like Yuki was pointing at his lips. Yuki licked his lips slowly with sultry eyes.

_  
_ _ “And when you use your lips, they’d better be on me.” _

 

Yuki smirked, his fingers trailing and wandering. Reaching back to the ponytail that he had set his luxurious mid upper arm length black hair into. With his side facing the audience, he tugged at the hair tie gently, letting the hair fall back in place and frame his face, shaking it for good measure. 

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby….”  
_ _ “Bounce, bounce baby….” _

 

Knowing that he missed those two lines to take his hair out, Yuki was determined to make up for it. Speeding up, Yuki jumped a triple lutz.

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby….”  
_ _ “Bounce bounce baby….” _

 

Yuki landed and instantly positioned himself and jumped a double flip.

 

_ “So filthy, dialed desire.”  
_ _ “Swallowed pride but spit out fire.” _

 

Skated around before stopping in the middle of the rink with a dazed look in his eyes. Yuki had his left hand by his side and his right hand slowly trailing up his body as he looked down. As his reach got higher, so did his gaze. 

 

His hand got to his shoulder before looking up and brushing his hair back with his slim fingers and held his hair there. With a smirk on his lips, he lip-synched the next line.

 

_ “Liars turn me on.” _

 

Skating away from the audience, Yuki took the time to focus on his movements. His feet performed complex choreography complete with fouettes and pirouettes as his eyes followed the every movement of his right hand as it stretched and moved around himself elegantly.

 

As the drums faded, Yuki took a deep breath and jumped, counting the four rotations in his head with the familiar loop, landing just as the drums hit again.

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby, bounce back to me.” _

 

Yuki bit his lip seductively, skating backwards in a serpentine way. His arms were hugging his delicate frame gently as his eyes fluttered close.

 

_ “You don’t need this,” _

 

As soon as the line began, Yuki began a camel spin, keeping has balance as he increased in speed and made it an illusion spin. 

 

_ “Bounce, bounce baby, bounce back to me.” _

 

Yuki changed positions for a triple axel, jumping and landing effortlessly. Using the momentum of the triple axel, he swung his leg around and jumped a quad lutz as well.

 

_ “You don’t need this!” _

 

As soon as the line ended, Yuki stopped abruptly with his feet shoulder width apart, looking down with his arms by his side.

 

_ “This is it,” _

 

He stayed still with his hair covering most of his face.

 

_ “Call it quits,” _

 

Yuki looked up with a devious smirk and hazy look in his deep eyes.

 

_ “With honesty.” _

 

He kicked his leg up and caught onto his skate in a Y spin, tightening the spin in order to increase the speed of the spin.

 

_ “You don’t need him.” _

 

_ “Every word is a curse let loose on me.” _

 

Yuki instantly let go of his skate and stood straight. He dug his heels into the ice to keep himself steady. Looking at the ground with his feet by his side and his feet together, Yuki panted, tired as he used his hair to cover his face.

 

_ “Your mouth it moves but fails to speak.” _

 

Looking up with a smirk on his lips, his eyes were half lidded, completing the seductive look. His right hand reached up to brush his hair out of his face and his left hand was by his mouth, not covering it but it seemed like his index finger was pointing at his lips whilst the rest of his fingers lay loosely.

 

He lip-synched the final line with the alluring look and pose finishing the entire look.

_  
_ _ “And when you use your lips, they’d better be on me.” _

 

Yuki took a deep breath and went for a camel spin. Slowly, he stretched himself up into an I spin, clutching onto the blade of his skates for balance. He quickly turned the spin into a biellmann spin. Yuki closed his eyes and increased his speed.

 

Slowly, he leaned back, sinking further and further until he was in position for a pearl spin. Holding the position as the spins got faster, Yuki sensed that the song was about to end. Counting the notes, he quickly dug his heel into the ice.

 

Yuki cursed when he couldn’t get his arms out in time to stabilise his weight, sending him crashing to the floor. Laying down on the ice made him laugh, embracing the cold feeling that he felt so much when he was younger.

 

“Encore! Encore! Encore!”

 

Yuki smiled, realising that he almost had it perfect. His younger self may have had trouble with the filthy side of the song but would’ve excelled at everything technical in the song.  _ I could’ve done so much better with my spins and jumps though. Even so, for a normal skater, the amount I just did was insane. On a world class level, what I did was still difficult to execute. _

 

Yuki slowly picked himself up, lifting his shirt up to see a purple bruise on his hip. Shrugging, he skated toward Yuuri, who handed him a drink bottle. Yuki drank eagerly, trying to avoid looking into anyone’s eyes. 

 

No one would be able to make him admit that the person who just skated and the person he was, in reality, was the same person. Yuki wanted to claim to have a personality disorder.

 

“That was so perfect! Have you skated to the song before? In an Exhibition Skate maybe?” Mila asked eagerly.

 

Yuki blushed, looking away. “No, I just know the song….” He muttered quietly. “I've never skated to it like that before.” 

 

“THAT WAS ALL IMPROV?????”   
  


“NO WAY!!!!!”   
  
“I CALL BULLSHIT PEOPLE! BULLSHIT!!!!”

 

Yuuri and Yuki exchanged knowing looks before chuckling between themselves. 

 

“ _If this was two years ago, I would’ve been able to do more…._ ” Yuki sighed, speaking in Japanese.

 

“ _Yeah, but you did extremely well for someone who just got back on the ice yesterday._ ” Yuuri responded in the same language. “ _You only did several combinations, nothing extreme like you did today._ ” 

 

“ _True, I guess…. It’s my fault for staying away for so long, thank you, Yuuri-san._ ” Yuki smiled shyly, tying his hair up again.

 

“ _If this was two years ago, I know that you could’ve done so much more and landed that last spin like you wanted._ ” Yuuri smiled, petting the shorter man’s hair in a motherly manner. “ _But you wouldn’t have had the confidence to pull off the more risque side of the song._ ” He teased.

 

Yuki blushed, looking away defiantly. “ _I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder._ ” He claimed, puffing out his cheeks a little.

 

Yuuri laughed in response, petting Yuki again. “ _Liar!_ ” He sang.

 

“Oi! Speak English will ya?” Yurio yelled at them. “We all have to speak English here you know!”   


 

Yuuri looked down and Yuki looked away. Yuki took a deep breath, working up the courage to speak. “Katsudon tonight?”

 

They both burst out in laughter.


	2. High on Liberty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. How does one write a chapter summary without spoiling the entire chapter lmao?  
> Let's try.
> 
> Yuki keeps skating and thinks about everything that makes him a skater and talks things out with Yurio, shenanigans happen with Yuuri and Viktor is low key VERY jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few housekeeping things!
> 
> 1\. There is going to be a bit of swearing because of Yurio (duh) and my own sarcastic way of writing.  
> 2\. I like to use italics a LOT, but the main 3 times I use italics are thoughts (these won't have speech marks), singing and when the characters speak a language other than English, regardless of whether it's Chinese, Japanese, Russian, etc. The latter two will both have speech marks, but any singing is very unlikely to be found within a paragraph and will be formatted more like a poem.
> 
> Maybe. 
> 
> I write really weirdly sometimes, so I don't understand some of my formatting rules.
> 
> Also, there might be a few times that Yurio is called Yuri purely by accident. I put his name as Yurio so that it's easier to distinguish between Yuri and Yuuri, but when I began to write this book, I was all over the place because I'm a freeform author. As I wrote more, I had more set rules and all of this stuff happened.
> 
> Also, trigger warnings for mental disorders such as anxiety, PTSD, depression etc. Use of prescribed drugs will also be mentioned quite frequently in later chapters and it does get a bit messed up before me, the author is a little messed up. 
> 
> I should've put some of this in chapter 1, right? Lol, nope. I do what I want.
> 
> Thanks, if you bothered to read this and put up with my bs.
> 
> \- Aurora

“ _Viktor, who’s that always hanging out with Yuuri?_ ” Yakov asked.

 

“ _One of his friends from Japan._ ” The tone was completely dull. “ _Yuki Aozora, a Junior Champion or something like that._ ” Viktor muttered. “ _His skating skills are incredible even though he said he’s retired and was on the ice for the first time in two years yesterday or something like that._ ”   


Yakov nodded thoughtfully, wondering how he had never heard of such a talented skater. Part of him wanted to mentor the shy Japanese man as well.

 

Yuki sensed two people looking at him differently to everyone else and cast a glance in their direction. Yuki recognised one to be Viktor and the other was a strange and large man. Yuki came to the conclusion that the strange man was a coach since his figure was unfit for skating and he was extremely unlikely to be a visiting sponsor with the entire rink filled with skaters who were mucking around and skating to the most ridiculous songs they saw fit for each other.

 

Yuki turned his attention back to the people giving him praise and feedback.

 

“You totally have to perform that at a competition!”

 

“Please! You just must!”

 

Yuki smiled shyly, feigning hesitance as he pretended to not know how to respond. The answer was simple. He wasn’t intending to compete again, but he had to factor in other human’s emotions into the equation.

 

“I can coach you through it if you wish.”

 

Yuki turned his attention to the strange man who was staring at him earlier.

 

“My name is Yakov Feltsman and I am a coach here at St. Petersburg.” Yakov introduced himself. Viktor wasn’t far behind his coach. “I coach Viktor, Mila, Georgi and Yuri here.”

 

Yuki took a deep breath and shook his head. “I apologise, but I must decline. That was my first performance in two years and I’ve grown unfit.” It was an obvious lie. Everyone present were athletes with the exception of coaches and they all trained on a regular basis and most of them couldn’t even dream of doing what Yuki did, whether it was an issue with their skill or stamina.

 

“It doesn’t matter. The season recently ended, there’s a lot of time.” Yakov pressed on, seeing the lie and wondering why Yuki was so hesitant.

 

Yuki looked at Yuuri for help.

 

“ _Tell them, no one will judge you after seeing that performance._ ” Yuuri reassured him in Japanese.

 

“ _Yeah, of course._ ” Yuki responded sarcastically. “ _Totally, no one will care!_ ”

 

“ _Fine. I’ll tell them if you don’t._ ” Yuuri warned, wanting the best for his friend. Yuki rolled his eyes and turned back to Yakov with a small smirk playing on his lips.

 

“Well, you see,” Yuki took a deep breath and pressed on. “I retired because no coach could handle me for more than a season, not that I could really stand them either.” Looking directly into Yakov’s eyes, he watched carefully for reactions.

 

Everyone’s eyes went wide in shock.

 

“Even if my footwork, spins and jumps are perfect and I have the stamina to support long rigorous routines, my style of skating is much more free,” Yuki explained. “You can give me an extremely detailed routine and I can perform it, but it never feels right to me.”

 

“Most coaches were able to work through my attitude back in juniors, but none of them could handle the way I freestyled my performances at competitions”

 

No one dared speak.

 

“No one wants to spend their time teaching someone or choreographing for someone who goes and does their own thing when it really counts.” Yuki scowled before turning away slipping his skates off.

 

“I’ve heard of you,” Yurio spoke up with a smirk. “And you were my biggest competition for a year at worlds, but then you disappeared for some reason that was never made public.”

 

“I remember you too, vaguely.” Yuki muttered.

 

“Your performances had a certain fire to them and they were always perfect. I don’t know what the hell you did for the last few years but it changed your performances so fucking much I hate it.” Yurio spat.

 

“That was me after two years of avoiding my skates and the ice.” Yuki retorted, falling back into the banter he used to share with the young Russian blond. “Nice to see that you’ve only improved.”

 

“Yuki,” Yuuri spoke up. “You need to perform at a competition again, even if it’s your last. The least you can do is give yourself some closure from skating.”

 

“Can you not speak Japanese to me?” Yuki huffed childishly. “I don’t want to perform again.” He declared firmly.

 

“It has _nothing_ to do with your coaches! But wouldn’t they wish for your happiness?” Yuuri asked. “Why should you care about what your coaches said to you all those years ago? They’re not important to you, but _they_ are! I don’t know all of the details, but I have a good idea, so--” Yuuri paused, biting his lip and looking away guiltily. “Why?”

 

Yuki remembered the times when he matched the “happiness” in his name. He used to have a fiery, untamable spirit until the age of 14, but then he just gave up after struggling and fighting for so long

 

“It was your last coach, wasn’t it? All because he thought it was okay, and then he-” Yuuri shook Yuki after grabbing him by his shoulders.

 

“If I don’t want to perform, I shouldn’t have to perform.” Yuki snapped.

 

“You’re running.”

 

Yuki sighed, not wanting to fight Yuuri.

 

“You and I both know that you can teach yourself and you don’t need a coach to tell you where to go and what to do. You can skate and choreograph your own performances in a way that defines who you are. None of us here are able to skate the way you do, nor can we improvise performances like you do and that’s what makes you so different. You have the talent to do everything without a coach, Yuki!”

 

Yuki looked away, biting the inside of his cheek.

 

“Yuki, you are complete when you skate.” Yuuri whispered. “For the last two years, I’ve watched you deteriorate into a timid man, a shell of your fiery nature that riled your opponents up as well! I remember the emotions you evoked from my heart every time I watched you skate! I remember admiring you and watching you talk back to your coach who yelled at you for improvising the entire performance!”

 

Yuki knew that Yuuri was speaking English to purposely allow everyone to listen in and make the words sink further into Yuki’s head.

 

“Yuuri, I don’t want to talk about this.” Yuki muttered back in English, retrieving his glasses from his bag and slipping his sneakers back on.

 

“Yuki, you at least need closure.” Yuuri replied just as softly.

 

Yuki took a deep breath. “I’ll think about it, but my answer most likely won’t change. I need to head back to uni as well.”

 

“I agree with what he said earlier. No coach likes the idea of wasting time on a student who changes everything in the end.” Yakov muttered.

 

“They may not like it, but I wouldn’t redo any of my performances.” Yuki shot back.

 

“Why do you improvise them when you know you’ll get yelled at?” Phichit asked.

 

Yuki smiled at the Thai man. “It just doesn’t feel right.”

 

“Oh my gosh!” Yuuri cried, pulling out his phone. “You all need to watch the difference between the things the coaches give him and his freestyle performances!”

 

People crowded around Yuuri as he played the video. On the left side, it was a video taken on the bleachers with writing that read “rehearsed” and on the right was more professional footage with writing that read “improvised” both in tiny Japanese characters. The video was on Yuuri’s camera roll, so no one else had access.

 

“This is a side by side play of Yuki skating to the same song, a piano version of “Interviewer” which is a Japanese Vocaloid song.” Yuuri explained quickly. “Left is the rehearsed one his coach wanted him to do and the right is the improv he performed at the competition.”

 

Yuuri hit play, letting the music start at the same time.

 

People’s eyes always strayed from the left to the right, no matter how hard they had tried to focus on the left to find the differences.

 

By the time it ended, Yuki stood there, embarrassed as everyone began to talk.

 

“He seemed so much brighter and spirited in the right!”

 

“In the improv, he looked happier!”

 

“His skating was much better.”

 

Yuki laughed nervously as Yuuri spoke. “It’s weird, but all of Yuki’s best performances are improvised! He’s never the same in rehearsed ones!”

 

“My eyes always moved from the left to the right. It was weird.”

 

“Why don’t we make Yuki do at least one improv performance every day he’s here?” Mila suggested. “Everyone’s allowed to vote for songs they like!”  


Yuki looked away, embarrassed. “I’m not that good, please stop exaggerating!”

 

Yuuri and Yurio’s eyes narrowed. The old Yuki would’ve said, “Thank you for the praise.” It was interesting to see how two years off the ice changed a world record holder until Yurio beat that record.

 

“Come on, Yuki!”

 

“Please do it!”  


“Yuki, you should.” Yuuri urged. “Maybe even build up your stamina again while you’re at it.”

 

Yuki sighed and nodded. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

 

“Actually!” Yurio called out with a devious look in his eye. Walking over to Yuki, he spoke a lot quieter with the same edge in his voice. “I need ideas for my choreography, so I want to see you dance.”

 

“Even if I end up competing?” Yuki challenged.

 

“Yeah, because the old you would never use that against anyone despite improvising your entire performances.” Yurio smirked.

 

“Sure, give me the song, I’ll listen to it and skate to it tomorrow I guess. Can’t promise that it’ll be perfect.” Yuki shrugged. “And I can’t promise you that you’ll have the stamina to pull off some of my combinations.”

 

“That’s fine. I’m much more interested in seeing what you come up with.” Yurio smirked. “Plus, it’s obvious that you can only improvise songs that you’re familiar with.”

 

“We’ll put that theory to the test sometime this week, won’t we?” Yuki breathed out. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Viktor and Yuuri kissing. Despite his dramatic gagging, Yuki still walked up to them, thanking God that they separated by the time he got there.

 

“ _Yes?_ ” Yuuri asked in Japanese.

 

“ _You really should dance to SPICE._ ” Yuki grinned before sprinting for his life.

 

“AOZORA Yuki, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!!!!”

 

Yuki chuckled shyly, some of his black hair falling out and waving around his forehead. “ _There are others like--_ ”

 

“ _Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!!!!!!!!!_ ” Yuuri cried out, incredibly embarrassed.

 

“ _Vanilla~_ ” Yuki decided to get a little revenge from the way Yuuri kept using English so that everyone knew. From there on, he purposely spoke English so that all the skaters could understand. “Hey, Yuuri, do you remember that one time we went to karao--”

 

“Aozora Yuki!”  


“-ke and you pole danced--”

 

“My life is over….” Yuuri cried.

 

Yuki poked his tongue out childishly. “ _I can spill all of your deepest and darkest secrets, you know?_ ”  Yuki’s voice got unexpectedly low and husky as he spoke in his mother tongue.

 

“ _Yeah! I know!_ ” Yuuri huffed angrily, pouting. “ _I could always do the same to you!_ ”   


“ _Except you don’t have any drunk stories about me, do you?_ ” Yuki grinned. “ _Even now, I’m not old enough to consume alcohol in Japan._ ”

 

Yuuri gritted his teeth, trying to think of some sort of blackmail material.

 

“ _Oh yeah, should I mention your almost freakish obsession with--_ ”

 

“ _NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!_ ” Yuuri cried. “ _I’LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!_ ” For once, Yuuri was extremely glad that they were foreign.

 

“ _But I don’t want anything._ ”

 

“GODDAMMIT ALL TO HELL! SPEAK ENGLISH OTHERWISE I’M GOING TO GO ALL RUSSIAN ON YOUR ASS, OKAY?”  


Yuki smirked deviously as Yuuri weighed his options. The latter took a deep breath, calming himself as he glared at the younger man. “ _Yuki Aozora, you realise that I could use my connections to ruin your scholarship in Tokyo right now, right?_ ”

 

“ _Would you dare do that though?_ ” Yuki grinned, flashing the peace sign. “ _Afterall, what am I going to do if I seriously don’t compete again?_ ”

 

“ _If you end up saying something that I don’t like, I will honestly ruin you._ ”

 

Yuki smirked, going back to Japanese. “ _That’s fine by me!_ ” He smiled, taking his phone out and typing. _Hmm, who’s the most likely to check social media in this moment? What would their username and password look like…. Should I message them or log into their account?_

 

Yuki grinned deviously, typing on his phone and hitting send.

 

Yurio felt his phone vibrate. Hoping it was a message from Otabek (who was literally several steps away from him), he opened his phone in a hurry, forgetting to check which app the notification was on. To his surprise, he read the message from the unknown person.

 

**_Katsuki Yuuri once found a stray and hid it at his home rink, Hasetsu Ice Castle for an entire month without the knowledge of Yuuko’s parents._ **

 

Yurio tried to resist the urge to laugh, looking at the text message and at the mentioned man. Otabek was curious enough to walk over and read the message over Yurio’s shoulder.

 

**_I forgot to mention that the stray was a Norwegian forest cat?_ **

 

“No fucking way….” Yurio grinned to himself at the idea. Otabek quietly hummed in agreement, knowing that he really didn’t need any words to express himself. Yurio grinned as he took a screenshot and sent it to the group chat. “Check your mobile phones people! I struck fucking gold!”

 

Viktor checked his Instagram and found the picture that Yurio had sent.

 

“No way!”

 

“Yuuri?”

 

“This can’t be true!”

 

Yuuri glared at Yuki, knowing that he must’ve done something even though Yuuri didn’t have any proof. Yuki smiled innocently throughout it all.

 

“ _Any regrets?_ ” Yuki grinned.

 

“ _All of the regrets_ .” Yuuri sighed. “ _Smart of you because I only mentioned you speaking of any of the stories, nothing about typing and sending them, so touche._ ”

 

Yuki smiled, but both he and Yuuri knew that Yuki wasn’t one to blackmail people, no matter the scenario. Yuki didn’t exactly want to abuse the power, just so it would hit Yuuri twice as hard when he stepped out of line.

 

“ _I stayed tame with it. It’s about that one time you hid a stray at the rink and we took care of it together._ ” Yuki admitted. “ _If you step out of line, the stories will get worst, just so that you know._ ”

 

“ _Yeah…._ ”

 

~~~~~

 

Yuki sighed, watching people skate as he leant against the sides of the rink. Frowning, he took note of the area. With his earphones plugging his ears, no one knew that no music was actually playing.

 

“ _Yuki! Can you teach me something?_ ” Yuuri skated over, tired of practising on his own as Viktor was being coached by Yakov.

 

“ _Eh? Why?_ ”

 

“ _I want to learn how to land jumps and stay completely still_ .” Yuuri smiled. “ _Usually, you land and you have to skate around for a bit, but you’re the only person that I know of who can land a jump and stay still on the spot you land._ ”

 

Yuki sighed and agreed reluctantly. “ _It’s going to take a long time and it’s gonna hurt, Yuuri-san._ ”

 

“ _It’s Yuuri, now hurry up and put your skates on._ ” Yuuri rolled his eyes.

 

Yuki rolls his eyes and returns to the rink a few minutes later. “ _We’ll start simple, show me a toe loop and do it normally._ ”

 

Yuuri executes the jump with ease before stopping and looking at Yuki. Yuki frowns, silently questioning himself and how he did it.

 

Yuki skates in a small circle before jumping a triple axel and grounding himself on the spot. “ _You kinda have to dig your heels, the blades into the ice and use your hands to balance you out. Start off with simple jumps like a toe loop and gradually turn it into a double, triple and quad toe loop. Just do it any way you see fit._ ”

 

“ _You love axels, right? Does that mean you can do a quad?_ ” Yuuri asked meekly.

 

Yuki frowned. “ _Maybe._ ”

 

“ _Can I see?_ ”

 

Yuki skated off and jumped a triple axel, landing perfectly. Skating a circle, he went for another one, trying to stay grounded. He did stay grounded, but he was quite wobbly on his feet.

 

Yuki scowled, almost cursing when he gained his balance. “Well, apparently not.” He muttered. Yuuri skated up to him, laughing.

 

“ _It’s not that bad! No one has ever landed a quad axel in a competition, you know?_ ” Yuuri praised.

 

Yuki huffed, turning away and hitting shuffle on his phone. Landing a triple axel hardly mattered to him if he couldn’t make himself land exactly the way he wanted to. Listening to the familiar music sung by utaite, Yuki began to skate around, choreographing the song on the spot without much thought.

 

With his eyes closed nonchalantly, Yuki managed to avoid anyone else in the rink, using his ears to hear where people were and using his memory to predict where the barriers were. He never noticed that people stopped to watch him dance on the ice.

 

Yuuri watched his underclassmen dance to the music no one else could hear. His movements were much smoother and more elegant compared to his performance with Bounce. Yuki moved slower, exerting a different energy.

 

The mesmerising dance was like a tale, a bitter tale of a tragedy. The sad smile on Yuki’s lips quivered a little as he moved gracefully, holding himself much differently. By now, everyone had stopped to watch.

 

Yuki’s eyes fluttered open but remained glassy and unfocused. He didn’t try and go for the crazy combinations he had been linked to previously. He took it slow, performing not so difficult spins and jumps scarcely throughout the song.

 

No expectations.

 

No limitations.

 

No nothing.

 

Just him and the ice.

 

Just him and his dance.

 

Yuki didn’t interpret the song as one that required any difficult spins and jumps or any crazy combinations. It was a simple song with an amazing tale that didn’t need over dramatised choreography, it just needed something simple.

 

As the song dwindled to its end, Yuki gave one final twirl before ending with a pose. He didn’t stay in the pose for long though, skating toward the barrier for a drink. He couldn’t care less about the people who had just watched his performance because they all had set expectations for him. He hated expectations.

 

Prodigy.

 

Yuki hated that word as well. Who were people to label people as prodigies, people who weren’t allowed to practice? Prodigies were always expected to perform perfectly without the need of practice. Who were people to judge others by a title?

 

He had experienced the prejudice in his younger years when he was much more active in the figure skating world. Yuki hated it so much. The pressure was tantalising, something he feared. Pressure to succeed, the pressure to be perfect, pressure for everything to be effortless, the pressure to wow the world, the pressure to meet expectations.

 

Yuki remembered the days that he followed routines down to the letter, refusing to do otherwise. He always felt that something was missing in his performance, but the scores said otherwise.

 

Once, the pressure became too much. Yuki broke free from the mould in frustration, skating to the song the way he saw fit in the heat of the competition. It was a decision he swore to never regret.

 

Countless hours, spent making himself more flexible, perfecting his spins, perfecting his jumps. All of that was finally put to actual use when Yuki truly skated for the very first time. The ice belonged to him alone and he commanded the music and stage with grace and freedom.

 

He felt unstoppable when the music ended. Yuki blamed the sudden change in his performance on his coach before proudly accepting his golden medal at the national event. Yuki never felt right to skate to a routine that was created for him, so from there, he danced to his own tune.

 

Before he skated to the beat of his own drums, Yuki never knew what it felt like to skate to a song and to finish the skate feeling like it was right. He always remembered feeling empty every time he finished a routine like it was incomplete. Once he found the missing component, he took it and ran with it, refusing to look back.

 

Getting his performances to his point wasn’t easy. Yuki recalled the hideous bruises that once covered the majority of his body, all from failed jumps and spins that caused him to crash onto the ice. He recalled the pain, from falling, from soreness, from stress, from despair. Even so, his primary school self pushed through stubbornly, refusing to give up until he perfected his footwork, perfected his spins, perfected all his jumps and became more flexible.

 

 _No, I’m never going back to those torturous days. If I’m going to skate, I am going to skate selfishly. I refuse to skate for anyone else anymore._ Yuki squeezed his drink bottle before sighing and putting it down.

 

Shaking his messy hair, Yuki ran his slim fingers through his hair that was falling out of the ponytail he had set it into. Brushing it off, he watched Yuuri continue to practice landing jumps perfectly still.

 

Yuuri would fail in two ways. One, he’d fall from lack of balance or two, he’d keep skating before stopping and probably fall. Good thing he had good stamina to practice all the toe loops in rapid succession.

 

Yuki thought back to Yuri’s performance. Having never seen Yurio perform it, there was no way he could copy. Plus, the older male doubted that Yurio would have the stamina to pull his version off.

 

Everyone in the rink was focussing on landing jumps or perfecting spins since the season recently ended. No one had new choreography to really learn unless they were performing the same song. Yuki assumed that Yurio was going to perform the same song again or simply being an asshole.

 

Agape was a beautiful song that Yuki knew Yurio could execute to perfection almost effortlessly. Heb remembered watching the young blond Russian in awe when they were younger. A soft song about love was something the blond was able to pull off due to his flexibility, grace and beauty.

 

Piano Concerto in B Minor: Allegro Appassianato. Yuki remembered being given the song for a mediocre competition in Japan by a coach that was hoping to use the heart-pounding intensity to create a choreography that Yuki wouldn’t refuse.

 

He did practice the song exactly like the coach wished for Yuki to do, but come competition, Yuki took the song to the very top with no room for improvement with his freestyled performance.

 

To him, improvising during competitions was like a drug, he was high on it and he refused to let go. Yuki remembered how his coach screamed and yelled at him, but he honestly couldn’t care. The way he felt during the performance, he was drunk on it. He wanted to do it over and over again, not caring about the consequences.

 

“Yuri!”

 

Two heads turned to him.

 

“ _Yuuri-san, please continue to practice. You’re getting closer and closer._ ” Yuki chuckled in Japanese. “Yuri, I want to show you Allegro Appassianato.” Yuki spoke in English to the younger skater.

 

Yuuri overheard, remembering that Yuki had once performed the song in a competition.

 

Yuki connected his phone to a small Bluetooth speaker before passing it to the younger skater. Yurio accepted the phone in silence, anticipating a beautiful performance.

 

As the fast paced music began, Yuki concentrated and recited the moves in a robotic trance. Yurio watched on with disappointment, seeing Yuki perform without any of passion or emotions he was known for creating during his beautiful performances.

 

_Arms out._

 

_Camel spin._

 

_Sit spin._

 

_Now, double lutz._

 

Reciting all the actions in his brain made Yuki want to pull his long black locks out. Gritting his teeth together, he continued on with his performance, refusing to give into the tempting urges to do whatever he wished.

 

_Loop, double toe loop, triple flip, quad sal combo._

 

Landing with all his jumps with little strain, Yuki continued to skate around gracefully.

 

_Feet spread._

 

_Left arm in._

 

_Right leg up._

 

_Balance carefully._

 

_Right arm up._

 

_Turn left._

 

_Backwards._

 

Yuki wanted to praise the lords above when he heard the song draw to a dramatic end. Finishing off with the biellmann spin, Yuki sighed in relief.

 

“ _That_ was what you wanted to show me?” Yurio hissed in fury.

 

Yuki grinned, shaking his head. “Replay the song.”

 

Reluctantly, Yurio hit play again.

 

Yuki, barely tired from his previous performance began from where he ended. Starting off with a fast Y turned I spin, Yuki quickly broke from the position, skating to his left with his arms moving around gracefully.

 

Yuri watched, completely mesmerised by the performance. The way that Yuki was fast paced yet graceful and elegant. It was a performance that no one could bring themselves to stop watching.

 

Yuki took a deep breath before jumping a butterfly jump and landing in a rapid camel spin where he changed one foot to go into a sit spin. Breaking away, he moved around a little to the music before daring to go for a triple sal and a triple loop to the beat.

 

With passion burning in his black eyes and an elated smile on his lips, Yuki skated to his heart’s content. Using his signature combinations at his whim with seemingly no labour at all. His footwork was flawless despite freestyling the entire thing, his entire body moving at his whim exactly the way he liked it. It was like he had spent years honing the dance to perfection.

 

Yuki felt his heart beat faster and faster with his every movement. He felt that it was about to burst out of his chest. Relishing in the feeling of liberty, he skated to his heart’s content, pushing it even further.

 

Everyone in the rink had stopped, staring at the transformed man in awe. Minutes ago, he was skating to a song without any passion. But it all changed.

 

Skating was what he lived for, especially when he could do whatever he wanted to. The exhilaration was the very thing he had forgotten about. Closing his eyes, Yuki recalled the cheers and applause that was meant for him. Nothing could ever begin to the exaltation he felt when he had his freedom.

 

Quad Lutz and now a triple axel, performed as a combination effortlessly and perfectly. If Viktor’s jumps were legendary, then Yuki’s jumps were godlike.

 

Why had he stopped skating?

 

His freedom was taken away.

 

Now he had his freedom back, he felt completely unstoppable.

 

Realising that the song was drawing to a close, Yuki caught his skate, going for his signature biellmann pearl spin combination. The speed of his spinning only got quicker as the music intensified. Soon, he began to stretch, leaning back into a pearl spin.

 

Quickly breaking from his spins, Yuki’s brain whirled in euphoria as he went for a quick triple axel before skating gracefully in one last circle.

 

Yuki finished in an elegant pose. His left foot stood normally, supporting the entire body, his right leg crossed in front of his left, pointed at the beginning of the blade that was barely touching the ice. His right arm was held out to the right, strong and curved. His left arm was held closer and lower, toward his right thigh, curved in the opposite direction to form some sort of cylindrical shape. His gaze was directed at his arms with a soft smile on his face.

 

The applause and cheer was incredible, to say the least. Yuki broke from his position, finally letting himself breathe properly. His heart pounded, accelerating to a rapid speed as if it was trying to break out of the confines of his chest.

 

Yuri was stunned, wondering how someone making up a performance on the spot was able to beat his performance that he had been practising for months on end.

 

“Encore!”

 

Yuki wiped the sweat off of his forehead, his fingers brushing back the hair that had fallen out of his hair tie. Panting slightly from the performance, he skated over to Yuri. “Happy?”

 

Yuri huffed, refusing to respond properly.

 

“Yuki! The first one!” Yuuri skated up to the two with a flurry of shaved ice travelling behind him in his rush and lack of care. “You said that you were never going to dance to a rehearsed number ever again!”

 

“Well, I remembered it. It was probably closer to how Yuri’s performance was in the beginning.” Yuki muttered bashfully. “It was horrible though. I was cringing throughout the entire thing.”

 

Yakov walked up to Yuki with a hard look on his face. “How did you know the origins of that first performance?”

 

Yuki began to get confused. “The first one was rehearsed. It was given to me by a well known coach from Japan, Furuta Akira.” He explained. “He choreographed it with someone else’s help, but I never performed it at the competitions I was meant to.”

 

Yakov put two and two together. “So you were the annoying kid he was talking about….”

 

“So my performance originated from his?” Yuri demanded angrily.

 

“I know Akira and he suggested the song to me because we both had troublesome students. He said that his student still rebelled after giving him the song in hopes of taming him.” Yakov admitted to Yuri. “He sent me a video of his student skating to it and told me I could use it with you.”

 

Yuri growled in frustration. “How come you can practice things to perfection and still be better at it than I was? How come you can improvise things like it’s nothing?”

 

“It’s not as if I haven’t fallen.” Yuki admitted. “When I first skated, I couldn’t get through a metre (40 inches) without falling. I’ve fallen countless times to get where I want to be.”

 

“There’s always been something about your performances Yuki.” Yuuri muttered.

 

Yuki chuckled at his friend. “ _Because I get high on the freedom I have._ ”

 

“Yuki! YOU’RE TOO YOUNG!” Yuuri shouted at his friend. Yuki laughed in delight, thinking that things were just like the times when they were rinkmates.

 

“ _Calm down, Yuuri-san!_ ”

 

“ _It’s Yuuri to you! You should not be doping--_ ”

 

“ _I meant it figuratively!_ ” Yuki grinned.

 

“ _You’re still too young to talk about these topics!_ ”

 

“ _Too young to watch you skate to Eros as well?_ ” Yuki grinned.

 

“ _You had better run._ ”

 

Yuki simply laughed as Yuuri began to chase him around the rink. Yuuri moved murderously and Yuki moved gracefully, like a dancer as he escaped from Yuuri’s grasp. Yuki even began to skate backwards, casually trying a hold a (one sided) conversation with Yuuri.

 

“ _So, how is having your idol for a fiance and coach_?”

 

“ _Am I invited to the wedding?_ ”

 

“ _Are we going to see the most adorable adopted children from you two?_ ”

 

“ _YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!_ ”

 

Most people ignored the two, already used to their antics. It was clear that they were close from the years that they’ve known each other, so everyone assumed it to be a more teasing version of the friendship between Yuri and Viktor.

 

“ _So, are you going to practice your jumps?_ ” Yuki teased lightly.

 

Yuuri quickly lunged for Yuki, still angered. Yuki was watching closely and knew that Yuuri would fall if he wasn’t caught. Yuki quickly moved to catch Yuuri before he could fall.

 

That ended up with both men in an extremely compromising position.

 

Yuki was pinned under Yuuri’s arms as they lied on the ice, side by side, facing each other. Their legs had been tangled in a mess and they were holding each other.

 

Yuki instantly freed himself from Yuuri’s grasp, looking away in embarrassment. “ _I am so sorry! You were about to fall and--_ ”

 

_Click._

 

Both of them turned their heads toward a certain blond punk. “AHAHA! Bitch, I can blackmail you both now!”

 

“Y-yurio!”

 

“Oi! Fish-shit! Post this on your instagram!”  


“It’s Phichit! But yeah, airdrop it to me!”

 

“Yuki, can you land a quad?”

 

Yuki’s eyes widened, turning away. “Honestly, I’ve tried only to fail and land quads at competitions.” Turning back to Yuuri he smiled. “I always butchered my jumps, that’s how I learnt to do jump combos and stop immediately after jumps. I think that I can’t even try to land quints, I can barely land quads steadily right now.”

 

“You know what you should do but have never done?” Yurio sneered at Yuki. “A fucking backflip.”

 

Yuki turned away innocently. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“What?”

 

“No way!”

 

“He’s done one?”

 

Yuuri decided that it was time for revenge. “Yeah, at a casual competition held at the Ice Castle between rinkmates, Yuki randomly decided to do a backflip in the middle of his skate. Funniest thing ever.”

 

“NO WAY!”

 

“Backflips take way too much attention from the routine and they’re not even worth any points goddammit.”

 

Yuki laughed a little. “I was 11!” Everyone knew that he was embarrassed. In an attempt to get past his embarrassment, Yuki quickly skated away, performing toe loops in quick succession until he’s calmed down.

 

Everyone began to watch him as he went into double digits for jumps in a row. Yuuri simply laughed, since Yuki could practice spins or jumps in succession when he became embarrassed to get his mind off of whatever embarrassed him.

 

In a way, it helped Yuki build his stamina whilst showing off and stroke his ego when he was younger. Nowadays, it seemed that Yuki needed to focus a lot on his jumps, more than he did when he was younger, so it was more of a distraction.

 

Yuki puffed, having lost count of the jumps. Grinning, he brushed his long black hair back a little. _This somehow feels right._

 

_It won’t last, remember that Yuki._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after editing this and finding a lot of funny mistakes, I honestly regret posting this right before I left the house lmao.


	3. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's the definition of being alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR UPDATING SO LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not going to say much except for the fact I've been trying to update this for FOUR DAYS and shit happened. Enjoy my sarcastic writing lmao.

Yuki tried his best to not show any signs of pain as he stretched his body. When he was younger, he managed over splits with ease with no preparation, but now he could barely hold a split for 10 seconds after stretching before without his legs begging him to stop.

 

Luckily he could still manage his signature biellmann pearl spin, but Yuki knew that his loss of flexibility was a result of him stepping off the ice for two years. He had also gotten used to hiding his pain, so no one really noticed.

 

Yuki’s flexibility was something he was proud of because it was rare in the men’s division, junior and senior. Now that he was second to Yurio, he couldn’t help but feel a little deflated. Still, he accepted that it was his fault for refusing to skate for so long.

 

Yuki looked at his black skates. The blade covers were on to protect them, making him look away. They were the only skates that Yuki didn’t throw out in his rage. They were a gift from the Ice Castle and friends and he only ever used them during extremely important events, like the junior Grand Prix Finals. 

 

The blades were designed for intricate footwork. Yuki knew that the entire group lamented over what blades to get him simply because he was good at everything and didn’t want to sacrifice anything. They decided on footwork due to his amazing footwork, the way he stopped jumps and spins as well.

 

“ _ Yuki-kun? _ ”

 

“ _ Yuuri-san! _ ” Yuki cried in surprise, looking at Yuuri who had skated over to the barriers. “ _ Shouldn’t you be practicing? _ ”

 

“ _ Yeah, but a few minutes won’t hurt. _ ” Yuuri brushed it off. “ _ You seem to be off somehow…. I-i know that it’s not really my place to pry, but if you want to talk! _ ”

 

Yuki laughed a little, smiling at the older and significantly taller male. “ _ Thank you for your concern. I’m just sore from all of this sudden skating, spins and jumps. I’ve only really been on runs in the park for these last two years to keep my stamina going. _ ” He explained. “ _ Please don’t tell anyone else though. _ ”

“ _ Of course, _ ” Yuuri promised. “ _ I just noticed, those skates…. _ ”

 

“ _ I-i couldn’t throw them away, okay? _ ” Yuki huffed, embarrassed.

 

“ _ Honestly, I’m glad that you still have them. I’m surprised they still fit though. _ ”

 

A win and loss for Yuki. His small and petite structure had always made it easier for him to gain height for jumps, thus giving him more chances to land extra rotations. It was also a big insecurity for him, looks wise. It didn't exactly help when he pretty lich stopped growing at 11 years of age.

 

“ _ I haven’t grown much, have I? _ ” Yuki laughed uneasily. 

 

“ _ Maybe you’re just a late bloomer. I’m sure that you’ll grow a little more at least. But then again, that could really mess with your jumps. _ ” Yuuri frowned. Any skater knew that growing taller meant getting used to adjusting their entire style simply to accommodate their height. Most decided to avoid jumps because they were the hardest to adjust. 

 

“ _ I don’t think figure skating is where my future lies anymore. Being a Psychiatrist seems much more realistic to me right now, so I’d rather grow taller. _ ” Yuki deadpanned. 

 

The atmosphere instantly changed from friendly chatter to a perpetual silence. “ _ You keep insisting that you won’t get back on the ice when you can write history with one of your performances. You could make history so easily whilst the rest of us work hard to make history. _ ”

 

Yuki knew what Yuuri was getting to, so neither needed to say anything. Yuuri wasn’t envious but disappointed in Yuki for throwing away his talent. The younger Japanese skater recalled times when he made world records and won gold. That was only for about three years internationally and another three within Japan.

 

“ _ I think that my turn to write in History’s pages is over. I think it’s your turn, Yuuri-san. _ ”

 

“ _ I’m not relenting. I swear that I will make you release another viral video or skate in an actual competition. Either is fine, I want you to feel what you felt back then. _ ” Yuuri told Yuki seriously. 

 

“ _ Go ahead and post those videos you took from the last two days. I don’t care. My career on ice ended two years ago. _ ” Yuki shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“ _ I’ll post all four then. Agape, Allegro Appassianato, Bounce and Carousel. Not to mention all of the crazy combination spins and jumps you do from time to time. _ ” Yuuri told him.

 

Yuki honestly didn’t want to fight, but their opinions on the matter were so conflicting that he knew that they had to duke it out at some point. Slipping on his skates, Yuki walked over to the ice and skated toward Yuuri.

 

“ _ Can I see your progress on landing jumps completely still? _ ” He smiled.Yuuri nodded eagerly and skated off to show Yuki how far he had gotten. 

 

* * *

 

“Alright Yuki! Your song for today is--”

 

“ _ Mafumafu’s version of Ikanaide! _ ” 

 

Yuki furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not recognising the voice that had just spoken in Japanese. 

 

“ _ Sure, I guess _ .” He muttered under his breath, skating to the back left side of the rink. 

 

“Is the song in Japanese?” Yuri demanded. “Fucking Japanese bitches!”

 

“Yurio! Watch your language!”

 

Yuki scowled a little at the people organising the song. “Just give me a song so that I can actually get this over and done with!”

 

“ _ How about Futariboshi? Or maybe Kimi Ga Iru or even Sore Wa Anata No Shiawase Toshitemo! _ ”

 

“MINAMI, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YA LITTLE CHICKEN NUGGEST SHITHEAD! ENGLISH ONLY BITCHES, ENGLISH!!”

 

“Yuri! Calm down!”

 

“IF YOU GUYS SPEAK FUCKING GODDAMNED JAPANESE AGAIN, I WILL GO ALL RUSSIAN ON YOUR ASS AND USE TRADITIONAL FUCKING TORTURE AND EXECUTION TECHNIQUES, YA HEAR ME BITCHES?”

 

“YUKI, HOW TO SAVE A LIFE, GO!” Yuuri screamed to stop the fighting.

 

Yuki froze, furrowing his eyes in confusion. 

 

_ What? _

 

“Who am I meant to save?” Yuki asked Yuuri, completely confused.

 

A few people noticed, but it was too late, Mila had already hit play.

 

Yuki cursed, trying to signal Yuuri. Yuuri noticed, but poked his tongue out and ignored him. 

 

He took a deep breath, listening to the piano introduction completely still before predicting when the first words were and skating off, placing all of his focus on his footwork.

 

_ “Step one, you say we need to talk.”  _

_ “He walks, you say ‘sit down, it’s just a talk’” _

_ “He smiles politely back at you,” _

_ “You stare politely right on through.” _

 

Everyone noticed that Yuki started slower and more subdued than usual, some attributed that to the fact that Yuki seemed concerned before the song began. 

 

Yuki’s face barely changed as he concentrated on the music that was given to him. Everything he had ever learned about music came rushing back, particularly his aural skills.

 

_ “Some sort of window to your right,” _

_ “As he goes left and you stay right,” _

_ “Between the lines, of fair and blame.” _

_ “And you’ll become to wonder why you came.” _

 

Forgoing his usual intricate spin and jump combinations, Yuki scowled, knowing that he had to hold out just a little longer. Moving his body to the music with ease, people with sharp eyes noticed a few subtle mistakes here and there.

 

_ “Where did I go wrong?” _

_ “I lost a friend,” _

_ “Somewhere along in the bitterness.” _

_ “And I would have stayed up with you all night,” _

_ “Had I known how to save a life.” _

 

Yuki sighed in relief, now hoping there was no bridge or anything. Something changed in his performance. The meek and minimalistic movements stopped and the spark in his performances grew even brighter than ever.

 

_ “Let him know that you know best,” _

_ “Cause after all you do know best.” _

_ “Try to slip past his defences,” _

_ “Without granting innocence.” _

 

His movements were the same on a technical level however, it was as if his body changed into a canvas that painted the story of the song. His long arms and legs helped make his movements much more graceful, turning him into a sorrowful performer dancing for someone in his heart.

 

_ “Lay down a list of what is wrong,” _

_ “The things you’ve told him all along,” _

 

Yuki took a deep breath and circled around before bringing himself in for a loose spin.

 

_ “And pray to God he hears you.” _

 

Yuki closed his eyes, tightening his spin and going faster to match the emotions in the singer’s voice.

 

_ “And pray to God he hears you.” _

 

Yuki waited, collecting himself after breaking away from the spin. As the second line began, he went for the triple axel.

 

_ “Where did I go wrong?” _

_ “I lost a friend,” _

 

Landing, Yuki pulled himself back into a loose spin with his arms crossed before his chest elegantly.

 

_ “Somewhere along in the bitterness.” _

_ “And I would have stayed up with you all night,” _

 

Breaking off from the spin, Yuki bit his lip, looking at the ceiling in grief. Reaching for the sky, he smiled bitterly.

 

_ “Had I known how to save a life.” _

 

He turned away from his audience, absently minding his footwork. When he felt ready, he waited for the singer’s voice to join in again before turning back to face everyone. 

 

_ “As he begins to raise his voice,” _

 

Yuki dared to jump a quad toe loop before landing and changing positions seamlessly. For the next line, he was in a loose sit spin, not using too much spin nor bothering to tighten up the spin.

 

“ _ You lower yours and grant him one last choice.” _

 

Yuki carefully rose back onto his feet, making sure that his skating was a little shaky as he skated forwards with his gaze downcast for the next line.

 

_ “Drive until you lose the road,” _

 

Yuki suddenly began to skate backward for a second before breaking off and turning around entirely.

 

_ “Or break with the ones you’ve followed.” _

_ “He will do one of two things,” _

 

Yuki looked up, skating around quicker and using his arms for balance and to add to his performance.

 

_ “He will admit to everything,” _

 

Yuki jumped a double salchow during that line, landing with a pleased smile. During the next line, that smile morphed into a bitter one and his skating began to get wobbly again. 

 

_ “Or he’ll just say he’s not the same.” _

 

Yuki twirled around on the ice idly, unconsciously stopping in his tracks, looking down at the ice beneath his blades.

 

“ _ And you’ll begin to wonder why you came. _ ”

 

Helplessly, he tugged his hair and covered half of his face with a hand, lips bitten and looking completely helpless.

 

_ “Where did I go wrong?” _

 

Yuki kicked off from the ice, skating in a circle and using his arms to vent a little bit of his frustration.

 

_ “I lost a friend,” _

 

Barely daring to breathe, Yuki jumped a triple lutz, landing lightly.

 

_ “Somewhere along in the bitterness.” _

 

Yuki quickly caught his skate and began a half, one handed biellmann spin. When the line ended, he broke off from the spin.

 

_ “And I would have stayed up with you all night,” _

 

Finding his gaze on the ceiling again, Yuki unconsciously reached for the skies with a bitter smile as he skated in a circle. Turning away, he mouthed the last line, whispering the words under his breath.

 

_ “Had I known how to save a life.” _

 

Yuki kept skating until he reached the closest barrier, scowling in disappointment. The melancholy of his performance was quickly lifted when he glared at Katsuki Yuuri. “YUURI!”

 

“Awwww, shiet.”

 

“What did Katsudon do now besides speak goddamned Japanese?”

 

“GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YUURI!” Yuki cried, noticing that Yuuri was using Viktor as a meat shield as he tried to escape. 

 

“What happened?” Guang asked Leo.

 

“Dunno.”

 

“It was still great though.” Otabek tried to reassure Yuki before the little Japanese man got too frustrated. 

 

“That was like my worst performance like ever!” Yuki wailed dramatically. “That  _ baka _ knew that I didn’t know the song at all!” 

 

“Wait... what?”

 

“YOU SKATED TO A SONG YOU KNEW NOTHING ABOUT AND STILL MADE IT BETTER THAN ANY OF YURIO’S FUCKING PERFORMANCES?” Phichit screamed excitedly, holding his phone up. “CAN I UPLOAD THIS VIDEO?????”

 

“FISH SHIT, SHUT THE HELL UP! NO ONE LIKES YOU AND YOUR GODDAMNED SELFIES! I AM  _ THIS  _ CLOSE FROM KILLING ALL YA BITCHES!” Yurio shouted. Otabek reached out for Yurio, coaxing the Russian punk to sit down and calm down by looking at cat pictures and videos on his Instagram account. That worked for about 30 seconds.

 

Yuki took a deep breath and pouted childishly. “This is  _ so  _ unfair! I want retribution!”

 

“Wh-what? You don’t n-need to be so extreme, H-Yuki….” Yuuri stuttered anxiously.

 

“You and Viktor, pairs skate, right now.” Yuki demanded. 

 

“Wh-what?”

 

“Hell yeah! Song suggestions people?”   
  


“This is technically both of your home rinks, you’ll have to do it.” Seung pointed out. 

 

“Th-there's no way!” Yuuri protested adamantly, looking into Yuki’s eyes. Yuki’s stance showed that he wasn’t about to relent. “I-i can’t!”

 

“Do it! Do it! Do it!”

 

“Yeahhhhh! Whoooo!”

 

“Victurri! Victurri!”

 

“G-guys, we’re not meant to br--”

 

“SHIP IT!”

 

Yuki chuckled at the chain reaction he got, smiling with a little bit of delight and glee. Ignoring everything, he took a little step, about to skate toward the place everyone else sat to watch the show. Yuki winced, muttering his shock in Japanese.

 

Yurio’s back tingled. “Who’s the bitch who spoke goddamned Japanese again?”

 

“It’s your imagination, Yura….”

 

“Yeah… probably, Beka….”

 

Yuki quickly skated to the exit closest to where everyone sat and made a beeline for his bag. Taking off his skates on his left foot carefully,  he heard the shouts of protest in the background before the music began to play. The sound of messy skating on ice filled his ears, but honestly, he was more concerned about his foot.

 

Yuki slipped the sock off and examined his foot, noting that it was a little red, borderline purple in some areas. Not wanting to prod at it, he felt around for any abnormal heat in his foot and ankle. 

 

Yuki continued on, finally deciding to prod at the area a little bit, cursing silently when it stung a little. He barely realised that the song was about to end because he was more focussed on flexing his foot to check for stiffness.

 

Claps and laughter filled the rink as Yuki thought,  _ oh shit. _

 

He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. 

 

“Yuki-kun?”

 

Yuki realised that Yuuri was standing next to him, looking at him in confusion. Yuki smiled a little awkwardly. “Yeah?”

 

“What’s wrong with your foot?”

 

“Minor sprain. Nothing bad. I can still use it and skate as it heals because it’s that minor.” Yuki explained, taking a roll of bandage from his bag. 

 

“We should go see a doctor anyway, Yuki…. It could be really bad!” 

 

Yuki rolled his eyes at the older Japanese man. “I’m a doctor in training.”

 

“You’re a psychologist in training!”

 

“Technically my goal was to become a psychiatrist, so I’m taking a lot of medical courses as well.” Yuki countered with a triumphant smirk. “I’m not giving up this chance to skate freely.”

 

“But--”

 

“My foot will be fine with a bit of rest and support.” Yuki took a pair of scissors to cut the tape he had wrapped around his foot. He slipped his socks and his sneakers on again. 

 

“Yeah, but still….”

 

“I’ll be fine, Yuuri!” Yuki chirped with a fond smile on his lips. “Thank you for caring so much for me.”

 

Yuuri smiled as he watched Yuki take his right skate off and replace it with his other sneaker. “You used your aural skills to the brink earlier, right?”

 

“Urgh, it was annoying trying to choreograph and guess the next note at the same time!” Yuki whined. “I never want to do that again….”

 

“Just saying, Viktor and I have already sorted out your song for tomorrow.” Yuuri commented nonchalantly. “How long are you staying here for?”

 

“I got here like three days ago and all of your international friends just got here. With the season pretty much over and done with, I’m guessing everyone will stay here 2-4 weeks. I’ll probably just copy them and kinda leave when they do I guess.” Yuki shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m not too concerned because all my professors were really understanding when I explained the situation, so I’m being emailed the work on a daily basis.”

 

“So you come to the rink in the morning around 9, leave around 18 and lock yourself in your room studying the rest of the night when you’re not eating with us?” Yuuri asked, shocked.

 

“I have to get the course done somehow, you know?” Yuki laughed.   
  


“I guess….”

 

“Yuuri! You need to practice!”   
  


“Alright! Coming!”

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until the afternoon of the next day until Yuki was forced to skate again, allowing his foot to rest. He mainly socialised with the amazing skaters from around the world, helping them improve their spins, jump and footwork using minor adjustments. 

 

Helping others allowed Yuki to really get to know some of the skaters. All of them seemed to have someone they preferred to stick to from what he saw. Then there was JJ. Most of them had traits that made them compatible with one another, complimenting each other as friends or even something more. 

 

Yuki enjoyed observing the people around him, maybe it was his love for psychology, which was probably ranked third in the most important things in his life (not including necessities such as food, rest or friends and family). The way that people’s behaviours changed depending on who they interacted with was amazing to see.

 

Yuki enjoyed watching Yurio’s interactions with the people around him a lot. The little ball of fire was just funny to put it simply. If you were a stranger, he would most likely be rude. If you were an acquaintance, he would probably be even ruder. If you were a friend, he would get even ruder and show that he cared in the most subtle ways. If you were Katsuki Yuuri or Viktor Nikiforov, he was a little softer around the edges.

 

If you were someone by the name of Otabek Atlin, you were extremely lucky with Yurio. The teenager was much softer with no insults hurled at the man and much more compliant. If you were someone by the name of Jean-Jacques Leroy, you’d better run for your life if you weren’t so arrogant.

 

Yuki also noticed that Lee Seung-Gil was emotionless around everyone, straightforward and blunt. That was until Phichit Chulanont was involved. Seung would soften up ever so slightly, show hints of amusement and happiness and contribute more to the conversation. 

 

Pretty much everyone had one person that they’d drop their guards around and be themselves a little more with. That was with the exception of JJ, who didn’t have a guard and Yuki, who was guarded regardless of who he dealt with. The difference was in his behaviour, which he purposely changed from person to person.

 

Yuki knew that most people wanted to get him back on the ice, thus making him guarded. He was always a naturally guarded person, being very picky about the information people knew about him. There wasn’t anyone in and outside of his family that Yuki could instantly think of that he hadn’t been cautious with or told a lie to. It was in his nature. 

 

Typing his homework up on his laptop at the rink, the sound of music in his ear, the rapid movement of his fingers on the keyboard and the faint sound of blades on ice helped him through his work. He was already ahead of the class before he left in half of his subjects (all psychology related), but he still didn’t want to be left behind, especially in his medical studies. 

 

_ My senior debut should have been around a year ago, but I suddenly quit without giving any explanation. I miss being on ice, but if I want to get back on, I won’t have sponsors and I can’t commit myself to a coach. I’ll also have to work my way up from local competitions to national competitions to worldwide competitions.  _

 

_ It’s going to take a lot of work and frankly, I think I’ve wasted too much time doing something with such an unreliable future. I can’t coach for shit with my skating style so what will happen after I retire? Even with a degree in Psychiatry, I won’t have the experience I need to get a job. It’s pointless. _

 

_ What about the rush of emotions I feel when I skate? _

 

_ There’s no way, I won’t have a secure future. _

 

_ I want to be a little selfish and make myself happy, here and now. _ __   
  


_ What about when you come down from this high? _

 

_ I don’t want to have any regrets. _

 

_ Try saying that when you’re jobless. _

 

_ Live in the moment Yuki, the future will fall into place on its own. _

 

_ And if that future is bleak? _

 

_ I can work to change my future if I just believe. _

 

_ Believing in yourself is nothing without hard work. _

 

_ I’ve never loved anything more than I love figure skating. _

 

_ You worked so hard in this sport only for people to bash you and your style. _

 

_ It’s what makes me as a figure skater. _

 

_ Nothing is as easy as you make it out to be. _

 

_ Isn’t that what life is? _

 

_ It's the definition of being alive. _

 

Yuki refocused his mind on the report he was writing, ignoring his inner war. Sighing, he scrolled through thousands of words, looking for the data that he needed. 

 

“What are you doing up here?” Yurio demanded, looking at the shorter black haired man.

 

“Work. I have university or college work to finish off.” Yuki muttered.

 

“Fuck, it’s all in Japanese!”

 

“What else were you expecting? Russian? English?” Yuki teased.

 

“Fuck Japanese.” Yurio grumbled.

 

“You absolutely hate the language, don’t you?”

 

“No shit.” 

 

Yuki chuckled in amusement. “By the way, loosen some of your spins a little in Agape. Going fast shouldn’t be your priority.”

 

“I don’t need your advice, dickhead. Plus, I don't keep programs for more than a single season.”

 

“Sure.” Yuki quickly wrapped up his conclusion before closing his laptop and slipping it back in his bag. “Don’t you have school or something?”

 

“Online schooling.” Yurio brushed it off. “I’m more concerned about getting as many hours possible to skate.” 

 

“That was me, but I basically lived at the Ice Castle with the Nishigoris until I moved to Tokyo for Uni, so it wasn’t hard for me.” 

 

“What was your first quad?”

 

“Lutz, took me a year and nine months to land it perfectly.”

 

“Jesus, a lutz first?”

 

“It really doesn’t matter anymore.” Yuki scoffed a little. “My dreams as a figure skater died two years ago.”

 

“It would be seriously satisfying to defeat you in a competition, you know that?”

 

“Too bad I don’t want to compete.”

 

“Bullshit. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want to compete even a little bit.” Yurio scoffed.

 

“If that’s what you believe.”

 

“If someone ends up posting a video of any one of your performances, we’ll probably break the internet and you’ll end up famous again.”

 

“Why don’t we play a game then?” Yuki grinned. “You guys cannot post a video of me until I lose at this game, so it will be everyone here against me.” 

 

“I’m game if everyone else is.” Yurio took a deep breath, shouting at everyone. “EVERYONE, GAME TIME! OI! LISTEN TO ME! YUKI WILL WILLINGLY LET US POST A VIDEO OF HIM SKATING IF WE ALL WIN THIS GAME!”

 

“The game will be easy. Give me a good reason why I should skate again. Convince me to skate competitively and you can post the videos and I’ll most likely sign up for a local competition or something.” Yuki smiled. “Good luck I guess.”

 

“There’s actually no way to win.”

 

“We’re still going to try, right?” 

 

“Yeah!” 

 

Yuuri bit his lip, clenching the fabric of his T-Shirt.  _ If this is the only chance I have, I’m going to take it. He’s never loved anything more than figure skating. He’s not as meek when he’s able to skate and he withdraws from the world when he’s without it. I don’t want to let him stay that way. _

 

“Yuuri?”

 

“Oh, Viktor….” Yuuri trailed off, flashing a smile and pretending to be perfectly fine ー if his horrible acting and fidgety hands were anything to go by. 

 

“You want him back on the ice, even if it means competing against him to represent Japan?” Viktor asked softly.

 

Yuuri clenched his fist, looking determined as he nodded. “Yuki… he’s never had it easy as a child and Figure Skating was his escape from everything. I want to bring him that happiness back again.” 

 

“We’re all going to help, so don’t worry.” Viktor reassured Yuuri. The latter looked up at the former with grateful and hopeful eyes, relieved at the words.

 

“Thank you, Viktor….”

 

Yuki looked away from everyone, silently wishing to lose.

 

_ Give me a reason to cling onto the only thing that brought me happiness.  _

 

_ Someone. _

 

_ Anyone. _

 

_ Please save me. _

 

* * *

 

Yuki watched as Otabek tried to get an extra rotation in his triple salchows in order to turn it into a quad. He was just unable to gain enough height to add said rotation in. Yuki saw that Otabek was becoming frustrated, so he stepped in.

 

“Have you ever tried spinning slower mid air?” Yuki asked him.

 

“?”

 

“When you spin slower and try to get the same amount of rotations in, it’s basically the same thing as getting the height and time needed for a quad.” Yuki went on explaining. “It’s also easier on you because your brain isn’t trying to register as much.” 

 

Otabek nodded thoughtfully, understanding what Yuki was saying. “Thanks, I’ll try.”

 

Yuki nodded and skated off, deciding to watch Yuuri practice landing jumps completely still. It was hard, but definitely not impossible. Yuuri’s stamina was also growing in order to accommodate the many jumps he’d practice. 

 

“How’s it going?” Yuki asked.

 

“Show me again!” Yuuri whined, frustrated.

 

“What jump?” Yuki asked.

 

“Salchow.” Yuuri requested. 

 

Yuki kicked off, gaining speed in a medium sized circle before jumping a single salchow. He quickly performed a double and triple axel, landing completely still before skating off to perform another jump or to get back to Yuuri. 

 

“Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, I think.” Yuuri chuckled. “This is a lot harder than I thought since you make it look so easy and you’re like the only one who can do this.” He admitted.

 

“I learned how to do it by accident.” Yuki laughed. “It’s useful, but I honestly don’t know how I even do anything in figure skating, it just happens.” 

 

“Yeah.... you know, you’d make a great coach and choreographer.” Yuuri noted. “You take everyone’s style into consideration when helping them and you unconsciously make routines simpler when demonstrating for others or giving them tips for their routines that help save stamina and add to the performances. You understand that every skater is different and acknowledge it in everything you do.”

 

“No, not really.” Yuki muttered. “When I choreograph, I never take anyone else’s stamina into consideration and I grow unhappy with it too quickly.”

 

“I think having your opinion on routines is very valuable.” Yuuri murmured. “And that one year you choreographed for Yuuko, you took her entirety into consideration and made it her best performance ever before retiring.”

 

“Maybe it’s because I feel obligated as her friend.” Yuki’s mind raced, trying to fend off Yuuri’s onslaught of comments and deflecting it. If he didn’t, he’d lose the game a few hours after it began.

 

“No, I don’t think that that’s the case.” Yuki denied. “You played coach for her whenever her coach couldn’t, you did that for all of us as soon as you were proficient enough and confident enough to.”

 

“Your explanations for complicated step sequences, jumps and spins have always been much easier to understand in English or Japanese compared to coaches. I remember calling you from America asking how to do things.” 

 

“Yeah, I remember that. I had to explain about ten times, right?”

 

“I recall that it was only once.”

 

“You’re too old to remember as clearly as I would.” Yuki retorted.

 

“But I don’t have an incentive to lie.” Yuuri shot back.

 

The two held intense eye contact until Yuki began to glare, forcing Yuuri to look away in submission. An angry Yuki was never one to cross and Yuuri knew that first hand. 

 

“Yuuri-san, you won’t say anything about my past, right?”

 

“Not unless I have to use it to get you back on the ice.” Yuuri spoke without any regrets. If Yuki wouldn’t dare whisper a word about it, no one would ever know. 

 

Yuki didn’t say anything. The goal wasn’t to threaten him back onto the ice, but give him a reason to get back on. Both of them knew that well enough.

 

Yuki decided to finally break the ice. “Pole dancing after practice?”

 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL-- YUKI!” Yuuri shrieked in horror. “YOU’RE TOO YOUNG, WAY TOO YOUNG YUKI!”

 

“No age is too young to know these things according to Japan.” Yuki laughed. 

 

“JAPANESE PIG AND JAPANESE MIDGET, STOP FUCKING CHATTING YA LITTLE BITCHES!! SOME PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO WORK, YOU KNOW?”

 

Yuki laughed and skated over, knowing that Yurio wanted help. “Anything I can help with?”

 

Yurio eyed Yuki’s gloves thoughtfully before scowling. “How the hell do you do your Biellmann Pearl Spin combo?”

 

Yuki frowned a little. “That’s my signature spin combo, don't take it from me!” He whined playfully. “Can you even do a layback or pearl spin?”

 

Yurio looked away. “I’m flexible enough to hold the position.” 

 

“Show me, I’ll catch you just in case.” Yuki dug his blades in the ice, prepared to catch the taller boy.

 

Yurio slowly began to lean backward, balancing precariously. Yuki realised that Yurio was leaning too far back and caught him when he fell.

 

“Shit!”

 

Yuki wasn't strong enough to hold Yurio up, but at least made the fall less painful on them both. “If you make a simple mistake like that, you really shouldn't be trying Pearl spins.”

 

“You’re not as flexible as me! Why can you do it?”

 

“Experience.” Yuki deadpanned, helping Yurio up. “Well, not really anymore.”

 

“Obviously, if your hands are anything to go by.” Yurio snickered, pulling Yuki’s fingerless glove off in one swift movement. 

 

Yuki hid his hand in the pocket of his sweater instantly, embarrassed. “Good eyes though.” He admitted.Yurio quickly tossed the glove back to Yuki and Yuki slipped it on awkwardly inside of his pocket. 

 

“Why can you do intricate spins and jump when others can’t?”   
  


“I figured how to do them by accident.” Yuki responded robotically. “Your signatures were your spin combinations in Juniors, right?” 

 

“Yeah, so?”

 

“Well, I’m probably not the best person to teach you….” Yuki muttered. “I’m not as flexible as before and I also lack the practice. One of the girls could probably teach you better and--”

 

“I don’t need your goddamned opinion! I want you to teach me because no one else can!” Yurio cried. “No one else here has the flexibility nor the skill to teach me much more than I already know. I can practice jumps, spins and step sequences as much as I want and still learn nothing new other than easy combinations! Why the hell are you going to throw away your talent when you have the potential to rule our world?” 

 

Feeling a stab in his heart, Yuki remained as stoic as he could. 

 

“Did Yuri really take the first shot in the game?”   
  


“I’m throwing this talent away because I don’t want this as my future anymore. I’ve got a more promising one as a Psychiatrist--”

 

“So you’re willing to throw away fame and fortune?”

 

“If it means stopping the pain then yes.” Yuki glared.

 

“Clearly you don’t know what pain is because you’re confusing it with your happiness, you goddamned midget.” Yurio growled.

 

Yuki smiled brightly, clapping his hands together. “Can you show me your biellmann spin?”

 

Yurio huffed and did as he was told, knowing that Yuki was willing to teach him. When Yurio finished the spin, he looked at Yuki expectantly. “What now?”

 

“You need to get used a pearl spin. Try starting off with a camel spin and going into a pearl spin by leaning back more. When you can, you need to grab onto the blades with one hand and use the other to grab onto your wrist. Your balance means everything. I’ll catch you if you look like you’re about to fall.” 

 

“Show me the position for the pearl spin again.”

 

“I hope you have a flexible back….” Yuki muttered before carefully leaning back and catching his skates in his hands. His torso had curled over entirely and his left leg was bent at the knee, parted slightly with his right leg. His arms and leg seemed to create a shell around the pearl, which was his head. 

 

Unable to hold the position long on its own, Yuki quickly stood up straight again, wobbling a little. “It’s not an easy position to hold in general, but it does balance slightly better when you spin. To lean back from a biellmann into a pearl is something I don’t recommend until you’ve fallen several thousand times and you have impeccable balance.”

 

“It’s much easier to go from a pearl into a biellmann. If it helps, add a camel spin at the start too, but that could mess with your balance and you could fall before you even start the pearl spin.” Yuki explained in a smooth voice. “We’ll start slow. Show me you can hold the position without skates.”

 

Yuki lead the way to the barriers before they both took their skates off and stepped out of the rink. Yurio seemed uncertain about what he was meant to do, but he scoffed and scowled in an attempt to keep his act up.

 

Yuki personally found Yurio’s behaviour as cute and decided that he was someone that Yurio valued a lot, probably somewhere close to a friend. 

 

“Here, I’ll show you how I do it.” 

 

Yuki stretched his body until it formed the pearl position. He made his hands reach further than where his foot ended, clasping onto each other. “Try it.” Yuki urged Yurio, still in the position. 

 

“Why aren’t you holding onto your foot? Wouldn’t you balance easier?”   
  


“Well, you’re meant to hold onto your skate, not your foot. You could always put one skate back on I guess, but doing this is helpful if you miss by some strange occurrence.” Yuki stood up straight again, watching as Yurio tried to enter the position slowly and a little clumsily. 

 

“I’m going to help you, so don’t suddenly shout out rapist or pervert or anything.”

 

“Damn straight, thanks for the warning I guess.”

 

Yuki moved Yurio’s hands to hold onto his ankle and wrist first, urging his torso to lean back a little more. This caused Yurio’s leg to move down in order to try and accommodate the position. Just as Yurio almost reached the correct position, he cursed and stumbled. Yuki quickly caught Yurio, using the barriers as help.

 

“Damn! You do it like it’s nothing! Do you have a more flexible spine or something? Definitely not, you spent the last two years hunched over a piece of goddamned paper with fucking Japanese spewed all over it.” Yurio hissed. 

 

Yuki laughed good naturedly. “It hurt when I first did it, but it's getting less and less painful. I can ignore and endure physical pain really well, that’s all.” 

 

“Fuck, I want to try again.” Yurio insisted. “Help me, asshole!”

 

Yuki laughed and helped Yurio until he could hold the position using one skate. It didn’t take Yurio long, but it wasn’t entirely painless. Yuki insisted that Yurio took a break, wanting his body to return to normal before asking him to try again on the ice, seeing if he would remember. 

 

So they both resigned to insulting each other’s countries as they rested for a few minutes, snacking on granola bars and drinking water. 

 

“Japan has the lewdest things on display where anyone can fucking see them!”

 

“Russia is way too fucking big. I tell people I’m in Russia and they contact me whilst I’m sleeping goddammit!”   
  


“At least we don’t need camera clicks on all our devices at all times!”   
  


“Well, our summers aren’t another word for a winter that’s less cold!”

 

“Everyone looks the same!”

 

“Why do people have silver hair at the age of 10?”

 

“The same reason why people in anime never have natural hair and eye colours bitch.”

 

“Your entire country is hung over the entire day.”

 

“At least we can hold our liquor.”

 

“Even your kids drink.”

 

“And you let kids see each other naked in shower houses and onsens.”   
  


“You two, stop roasting each other’s countries.” 

 

“Did you hear someone speaking?”

 

“Maybe it’s the Asian that has skin a little too dark for asians.”

 

“What’s the land called again?”

 

“Right, it’s the land where samurais and geishas suddenly speak Thai.”

 

“Nicki Minaj all the way!” Yuki laughed as they hi hived with both hands.

 

“Score!” Yurio cheered, shoving his drink bottle aside. 

 

“Let’s continue on with your pearl spin.” Yuki quickly slid his skates back on and waddled toward the barrier. Yurio followed quickly. They both stopped to take their blade covers off before heading to a secluded spot with enough room to practice spins. 

 

“Try and hold onto the pearl spin position, but don’t spin. Just stand there.” Yuki ordered. 

 

“Kay.” Yurio kicked his foot up and caught it with one hand before quickly using his other hand to grab onto his wrist. Slowly, he began to lean back into position. He wobbled a little before losing balance, causing Yuki to catch the larger teen awkwardly again. 

 

Yurio began to lose his temper after a few tries, scowling angrily. “I can do it fine out there, I do the same thing on ice and I fucking fall.”

 

“Because your feet have a harder time balancing. You can’t dig your blades into the ice too much or you can’t launch the spin, remember that Yuri.” Yuki smiled. “I’ll support you for now.”

 

Yurio begrudgingly tried again. Yuki kept Yurio’s body steady until he held the correct position. Carefully, the Japanese man let go of him, smiling when he kept the position perfectly. “Perfect…. Hold it as long as possible.”

 

“Woah! Look at Yurio, Viktor!’’ Yuuri gasped in awe. 

 

“Our son is being taught by--”

 

“Our other son!” Yuuri pipped excitedly. Viktor saw the euphoria in his fiance’s eyes and resigned himself.

 

Yuki adjusted Yurio’s legs a little, ensuring that it was in the correct position. Yurio managed to hold the position for about 10 seconds with little shakes and trembles. Yuki helped Yurio stand up straight again, praising the younger boy.

 

“You’re picking it up a lot faster than I thought.”

 

“This is why I want you to teach me this shit. No one else can.”

 

“I’m sure I’m not the only one here who can manage a pearl spin….” Yuki muttered.

 

“You’re not, you asshole.” Yurio deadpanned. “None of them can explain what they’re doing well enough and if they can, they expect you to be able to do it easily. They don’t explain the concept of balance nor do they make it easier to learn by doing some of the shit you do. they ‘re all like, ‘watch and learn!’ No bitches, I need help that’s why I’m fucking asking and not on youtube like a dumb lil’ shit.” 

 

“You’re exaggerating as usual.”

 

“I’m not, shut up and take the compliment, you dickhead.” Yurio glared, stretching his back. “If you haven’t noticed, a lot of people do better at the things they ask you help for. It’s like you’re the coach, not Yakov and all the other coaches that have gathered here.” 

 

“No way.”

 

“Katsudon’s jumps, Beka’s jumps, Mini Chinese Katsudon’s spins, Fish shit’s footwork, anyone and everyone you’ve helped, even if it was just a tiny little fucking comment.” Yurio dared Yuki’s modest nature to show and decline the compliment again.

  
Yuki sighed, deciding to not comment further on the topic. “Ready to go again?”

 

“Fuck yes.”

 

“You’re not going to actually get the spin done today, you realise that, right?”

 

“Sure, whatever.” Yurio muttered. “As long as I get it at some point because pearl spins are like the black pearls of the sea in men’s.” 

 

“You’ll get there as long as you practice and make your body used to it. It’s an extremely difficult spin, which is why it usually becomes signature to the people who’ve mastered it.” Yuki smiled. “Come on, try and do it on your own.”

 

Yurio tried, but he needed Yuki to adjust several things before he held the position for about ten seconds. Yuki tried to catch Yurio again in order to prevent any needless serious injuries, only for both of them to fall, just like normal. 

 

They continued to do that for a while until Mila decided that it was a good time to ruin Yuki’s day. 

 

“ALRIGHT EVERYONE, SHOW TIME!” 

 

Yuki groaned in irritation, watching as people grinned, shooting him encouraging looks and compliments as they passed. Still, he decided to waste a little more time by skating alongside Yurio and slipping his blade protectors on and sitting with Yurio and Otabek.

 

“Any volunteers or suggestions?” Mila shouted at everyone. It was around lunchtime when most customers stepped out for lunch. It left a few stray people and all the skaters. “It’s either Yuki first then others or others then Yuki!”

 

“Chris should skate to Madonna’s Like a Virgin!” Viktor shouted out.

 

“Someone splash holy water into my eyes to cleanse me of the sin.” Yuki murmured to Yurio, sending the blond into a fit of laughter. 

 

“Any other song suggestions?”

 

“NO!” Yurio shouted over anyone else who dared to speak. He saw the look that Chris gave him and shot him the middle finger with a smirk. Confidently, he strutted onto the ice, sliding his blade protectors off and skating toward the centre and chose his starting position.

 

“Hit me!”

 

As the music began to play, Yuki cringed visibly at the unrehearsed piece. It wasn’t bad at all for a normal person, but on Yuki’s standard, it was horrible.

 

Oh yeah, let’s just say that the sexual themes of the song left a few children blinded for life as well.

 

Yuki’s breathing only returned to normal after the song ended and Chris stepped off the ice. Yurio ignored the performance in favour of watching him, laughing loudly whenever a strange expression filled Yuki’s soft features.

 

“Alright, any volunteers?”

 

“Fuck it all.” Yuki glared, standing up. Quickly making his way to the barrier, he stood his blade guards off and skated toward the centre, performing a double flip for the hell of it.

 

“Yuuri put in a submission for the song yesterday, which is a remix! Heathens and Carousel! Oh yeah, it’s also nightcored!”

 

Yuki glared at Yuuri, sighing in exasperation.  _ I don’t even know what Heathens sounds like and I’m fucking screwed since this is a remix. _

 

“Guys, I’ve never heard of Heathens!” He cried, holding his hands up in surrender. “This is a remix, I can’t guess much!”

 

“Listen to it once, kay?”

 

Yuki sighed, plugging his earphones into his phone and opening up the song on youtube. Slipping his phone into his pockets along with his gloves, Yuki bobbed his head to the beat, enjoying the song.

 

He didn’t bother making any plans, ripping his earphones off as soon as the song was finished. Quickly, he locked his phone and skated over to Yurio, tossing him the phone and earphones that he had forgotten to leave behind earlier. Luckily, Yurio caught his valuables and didn’t harm them.

 

To get rid of some jitters in his body, Yuki skated toward the back right corner, he went for a double salchow. Most people should’ve been concerned about performing two jumps for almost no reason before their skate began, but Yuki was almost certain that he wouldn’t be the one breathless, his audience was.

 

Standing completely still with his gaze downcast, Yuki waited patiently for the music to begin. Taking a deep breath, he heard the music begin, causing him to move his arms in jerky movements along with the lively gothic introduction as if he was a marionette. 

 

Slowly moving his legs into position, he heard the singer begin to sing.

 

_ “Round and round like a horse on a carousel, _ ”

 

Yuki pirouetted twice before skating off, only to pirouette again on the last word.

 

_ “We go. Will I catch up to love? I can never tell. _ ”

 

Reaching out slowly and tilting his head to the side, Yuki’s skating slowed until he completely stopped at the end of the line.

 

_ “I know, chasing after you is like a fairy tale,” _

 

He casually went in for his first spin, a scratch spin as he moved his arms around as if he was being controlled by strings. Slowly, his spin came to a halt in front of his audience.

 

_ “But I, feel like I’m glued on tight to this carousel.” _

 

Yuki reached his arms out gracefully, pirouetting on the spot, spinning a little using his feet after the pirouette. Then, a simple movement of his feet propelling him forward toward the end of the line.

Then, the music changed.

 

_ “All my friends are heathens take it slow. _ ”

 

Yuki instantly sank into a sit spin, tightening the spin and going faster as the line went on.

 

_ “Wait for them to ask you who you know.” _

 

Suddenly stopping, Yuki’s arms moved around slowly, almost mechanically in an elegant manner. How those adjectives could come together was something literally only Yuki know how to.

 

_ “Please don’t make any sudden moves. _ ”

 

Yuki moved his feet slowly into a pirouette, closing his eyes as he tried to recall the guess the next line. 

 

_ “You don’t know the half of the abuse.” _

 

Quickly, he looked up and took a steady step forward, rolling his head around. His emotionless expression turned into a smirk.

 

_ “Welcome to the room of people,” _

_ “Who have rooms of people that they loved one day, docked away.” _

 

His slow puppet like movements changed into stronger movements that were much more fast paced. Extending his arms out, his entire body moved with such emotion that wasn't easy to replicate.   
  


_ “Just because we checked the guns at the door,” _

_ “Doesn’t mean our brains will change, from hand grenades.” _

 

Yuki concentrated, refusing to let anything distract him. Twirling and pirouetting at a whim, he let his hands tell the main part of the story.

 

_ “You’ll never know the psychopath sitting next to you,” _

_ “You’ll never know the murderer sitting next to you,” _

_ “You’ll think how did I get here sitting next to you.” _

 

Yuki took a deep breath, pirouetting again before skating backward and suddenly turning 180 degrees. Going in for a loose scratch spin with small pirouettes to keep the spin going, he suddenly dashed right.

 

_ “But after all that’s said,” _

 

He jumped, triple axel.

 

_ “Round and round like a horse on a carousel,” _

 

Instantly, he landed at the beginning of the line and caught the blade of his skate, ignoring the pain that came with it. He spun around in a catch layback spin, which was something like a mini pearl spin but without the flexibility required.

 

_ “We go. Will I catch up to love, I can never tell.” _

 

Breaking from the spin, Yuki skated to his left then right in smooth zig zag motions, using his arms to sway along with the direction to make the transitions smoother and gentler. 

 

_ “I know, chasing after you is like a fairy tale.” _

 

Suddenly doing an 180 on the ice, he turned and reached out for something, chasing it. Toward the end of the line, he tugged and brought his arms in for a twirl.

 

_ “But I, feel like I’m glued on tight to this carousel.” _

 

Skating in a circle that got progressively smaller, Yuki kept all of his movements long and smooth, ensuring that he was being as elegant as possible. During the last word, he decided to suddenly do a triple salchow.

 

_ “We don’t deal with outsiders very well,” _

_ “They say newcomers have a certain smell.” _

 

His movements became more jagged and rough, as if he was a marionette once again. He looked like a doll that was being controlled by a master.

 

_ “You have trust issues not to mention,” _

_ “They say they can smell your intention.” _

 

Yuki skated in small circles that got increasingly bigger, subconsciously avoiding any customers on the rink. He twirled and pirouetted occasionally as his circles got bigger until he suddenly stopped.

 

_ “You’ll never know the freak show sitting next to you,” _

_ “You’ll have some weird people sitting next to you,” _

_ “You’ll think how did I get here sitting next to you.” _

 

Most were able to overlook the little stumble Yuki made when he stopped abruptly. He gritted his teeth and began to skate to his left, focussing on his step sequence. Then to the right and then backward, making himself smaller as if he was scared.

 

_ “But after all I’ve said.” _

 

Yuki jumped, landing a double lutz a little clumsily. 

 

_ “I know, chasing after you is like a fairy tale.” _

 

Yuki’s eyes widened, not expecting the sudden change. His abrupt change into a sit spin didn’t go well with his plans, sending him wobbling a little bit. Murmuring curses under his breath, he bit his lip and continued on.

 

_ “But I, feel like I’m glued on tight to this carousel.” _

 

Tasting the familiar copperish taste on his tongue, Yuki narrowed his eyes and changed positions to go in for a double flip. 

 

_ “Why did you steal my cotton candy heart?” _

_ “You threw it in this damned, coin slot.” _

 

Yuki focussed his mind on his feet, ensuring the made up step sequence was perfect as he moved his arms to match his movements.

 

_ “All my friends are heathens take it slow.” _

 

Yuki’s eyes widened, realizing that he was too focussed on his movements. Taking a deep breath, he let himself sink into the music, letting his body do as it wished.  _ Stop controlling me! _

 

_ “Wait for them to ask you who you know.” _

 

Sinking into the last part, he took a breath of freedom as he jumped a quad salchow. He moved his entire body to the music, foregoing any techniques he had previously learned.

 

_ “Why’d you come, you knew you should have stayed.” _

 

Deciding to go against the music, Yuki pointed at Yurio with a small smile before going in for a loose camel spin.

 

_ “I tried to warn you just to stay away.” _

 

The camel spin turned into a catch-foot layback spin, going at the same slow speed. 

 

_ “And now they’re outside ready to bust.” _

 

Yuki stretched himself out a little more, transforming the catch-foot layback spin into a pearl spin effortlessly. 

 

_ “You look like you might be one of us.” _

 

He tightened the spin, speeding up as he spun around, turning the pearl spin into a biellmann without much labour or strain. As the song ended, he suddenly broke from the spin, posing for the ending.

 

The spins weren’t what a normal person would put at the end of the song, but everyone knew that Yuki had somehow made it work. How it worked, no one knew. 

 

It was just an amazing performance nevertheless.

 

Phichit had recorded the entire thing as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note, I do not know anything about coaching and figure skating. Anything that happens is a direct result of my imagination and my previous experience as a dancer. Most other facts should be pretty accurate because I spend hours on the internet researching this stuff.... Not exactly proud of it, but I work hard to research and make sure most facts are correct. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading whether you liked it or not!


	4. Tiny Little Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What makes you want to impress him?”
> 
> “Because his coaching is different to yours! He ignores me and no one ignores me!”
> 
> “You’re a junior world champion, you could--”
> 
> “He is too! Yuki--”

“That combination spin at the end though!”

 

“How did he make it work?”

 

“Why did he point at Yuri though?”

 

“Weren’t they practicing spins together earlier?”

 

“Hmm, maybe that’s why.”

 

Yuki skated to the barriers, catching the water bottle that Yurio tossed him. Drinking thirstily, he frowned at himself.

 

_I just crumbled and conformed again…._

 

“What the hell was that?” Yurio asked calmly with a threatening undertone.

 

“You don’t want to know.” Yuki scoffed. “But I was thinking that the spin combo at the end would be best for you for now because it balances out your body.”

 

“One day, I swear I won’t have to do any of the extras.” Yurio scowled. “Beka, how're your jumps?”

 

“Okay….” Otabek didn’t explain much, but Yuki had been keeping tabs on everyone and knew that the stoic Kazakh was steadily improving, as was everyone else.

 

Yuki slipped his guards back on and sat with Yurio and Otabek, watching a few more people perform. There were the loud and rude remarks occasionally from Yurio or quiet murmurs from Otabek and Yuki, but it wasn’t really interesting except for the scarring of their eyes.

 

“You know, I would probably kill to watch you and Otabek skate together in pairs.”

 

“WHAT THE HELL?!”

 

Yurio screeched in shock.

 

It was the middle of Sara’s impromptu performance, causing the young girl to fall flat on her butt in shock. Then, her twin began to shout.

 

All chaos broke loose.

 

“Damn, Yuki causes the best chain reactions!” Phichit cheered as he recorded everything.

 

Yuki simply laughed at the destruction before his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Watching Yurio with hawk eyes, Yuki tutted in disappointment, seeing that the younger skater wasn’t able to get it right again. Yurio cried out in frustration, scratching the surface of the ice in fury at himself.

 

“Why don’t you focus on getting it right instead of wasting your energy on a tantrum?” Yuki scoffed at the younger one.

 

“Fuck you, you Japanese asshole.”

 

Yuki rolled his eyes and effortlessly entered a pearl spin before breaking from it. “You really need to use anything you can to balance. Hold your arms out like _this_ and make sure your blades have a good grip on the ice.” Yuki moved Yurio’s arms into the correct position to balance.

 

Yurio was always a little more submissive when Yuki would explain everything to him clearly, being extremely patient with the young blond’s resistance. Yurio would eagerly absorb the new information, glad that someone was willing to help him in the first place because his attitude got into the middle of everything.

 

“Try going into a catch foot lay back and then a pearl spin first. Rushing into a pearl biellmann spin isn’t ideal for anyone without the proper training.” Yuki’s was smooth and soothing as he explained what he wanted from the younger man. Never once did he get mad or rush, explaining things until Yurio understood.

 

Honestly, Yurio felt that he had never had a better coach.

 

That was saying a lot since Yurio was being coached by a man who had made bright, shining stars in his world and a former prima ballerina. Yuki was simply a boy who retired from his world and didn’t even speak Russian or outstanding English, but he effortlessly taught Yurio and taught him well.

 

Yuki never did anything outlandish, weird or harsh to train Yurio, he simply explained how the technique worked and asked Yurio to practice until he got it right. Anytime the younger blond would threaten to throw a fit and get mad, he would redirect Yurio’s anger back into practicing effortlessly and seamlessly, so much so that Yurio didn’t notice until he thought about it.

 

Yuki was smart enough to use his psychology studies on Yurio, insulting him in order to get him to redirect his anger and focus on getting the spin right. Yuki knew that if Yurio was able to master a pearl spin combination or even just a pearl spin, it would be revolutionary for the younger boy.

 

That was why Yuki was determined to see Yurio perform a pearl spin.

 

Yurio’s signature spin was already the biellmann spin, a rare occurrence in men’s figure skating due to the flexibility it required, but a pearl biellmann spin would take things to the top level with little to nobody who would be able to fight the Russian tiger.

 

Honestly, Yuki saw himself in the younger Russian.

 

“You’re getting closer, Yurio.”

 

“Don’t call me that, dickhead!”

 

Yuki laughed it off leisurely, pirouetting on the spot for practice. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Yurio continue practicing switching positions into the spin so it became more smooth and natural.

 

Honestly, Yurio enjoyed practicing with Yuki more. He found that he slacked off less and his eardrums weren’t going deaf from all of Yakov’s screaming. Yakov’s training did work, but Yurio knew that Yuki’s training worked much better, where Yurio put in more effort and Yuki put in less.

 

Yurio found Yuki’s training much more relaxing without the constant insults at his performance. There were the critiques, but it was never in the middle of one of his practices. Yuki would watch passively out of the corner of his eye and wait for Yurio to ask for critiques.

 

Then, Yuki would never bother to sugar coat his words, calmly telling Yurio exactly what the latter did well and what he failed at. If Yurio reacted too positively or negatively, Yuki would redirect the emotions to boost Yurio’s motivation to practice even more.

 

Yurio would always perform his best, wishing that he could stop and actually get Yuki’s undivided attention and even a few shouts simply because having someone critique him to the last detail without paying full attention to him was unheard of. He wanted Yuki to pay more attention and shout because it was what Yakov did, it was what Yurio was used to.

 

Yuki honestly didn’t care, skating to songs or practicing spins or jumps as Yurio performed Agape or Allegro Appassionato to his heart’s content. He would only watch out of the corner of his eye and make mental notes before absently practicing himself.

 

Most people could see that Yurio was improving at a rapid pace with no signs of slowing down. There were only a few complaints.

 

Everyone knew that they had to rush in order to catch up.

 

Yakov was mad because Yurio responded to an unprofessional’s ‘lazy’ coaching better than his.

 

Yuki had made enough tabs on everyone to write down mini profiles off the top of his head, simply by observing everyone around him at the rink.

 

To start off, 97% of them were gay.

 

Not that he minded, Yuki found it amazing because most of them had no idea. It was honestly funny to simply observe behaviour and interactions.

 

Breaking from his pirouette, Yuki landed a quad salchow effortlessly, landing lightly. He continued to practice his jumps in rapid succession for a few minutes to help his stamina and his ability to land jumps perfectly.

 

Yurio had gone off to spend his time with Yakov, leaving Yuki free to do as he pleased. Even though it looked like he was only observing Yurio’s progress from the corner of his eye, Yuki noticed that he unconsciously slowed down whatever he was practicing and faced closer to Yurio’s direction to observe him better.

 

Yuki took a glance around the rink, seeing what everyone was up to. Most were still mucking around and not training too seriously. Some were practicing things they struggled in, focussing on that and others practiced their signature moves leisurely. Anyone with coaches were all hard at work.

 

Yuki noticed Yurio was going through Agape, frowning when he didn’t see the fire. Yakov’s noisy comments were irritating Yurio, making the young Russian angrier as he performed.

 

That was until they locked eyes.

 

Yurio glared, seeing the disappointed frown on Yuki’s lips. It was the first time Yurio had ever seen an indication of what Yuki felt about his performance as he went through it. Seeing that only pushed Yurio to strive harder. Yuki simply returned to practicing his spins, making sure to not tighten them up so that he could still watch Yurio.

 

As soon as the routine ended, instead of skating up to Yakov for critiques, Yurio turned and skated toward Yuki, who was practicing his signature biellmann pearl spin.

 

“How did I go?”

 

Yuki abruptly stopped himself effortlessly, frowning at Yurio’s slightly disheveled form. “You should ask Yakov.”

 

“To hell about his opinion, he can’t even skate for shit.”

 

Yuki sighed, brushing his fallen black locks back. “If you want to know, that was probably one of the worst run-throughs I’ve seen you do. There wasn’t any passion until you saw me watching and you were lazy with your footwork and jumps before that. You improved a lot after that though, you landed jumps easier and your step sequence was flawless. But even so, your arms were really flimsy at the start and still a little flimsy toward the end.”

 

“Spins?”

 

“Tighten them up a little more,” Yuki told Yurio. Throughout their conversation, Yakov had been trying to get Yurio’s attention, all of which were tuned out by the duo.

 

“YURI!” Yakov roared, having enough of being ignored. The entire rink fell silent, seeing Yakov’s furious, purple face.

 

Yuki looked away and went through complicated step sequences he made up on the spot slowly before steadily increasing his speed.

 

“What?” Yurio snapped at his coach, skating up to the furious man.

 

“That performance was shit.”

 

“Yeah, I know. I already have critiques on it.” Yurio sassed.

 

“What’s so important about his opinion?” Yakov huffed. “He wasn’t even watching you properly!”

 

Yurio sighed in annoyance.

 

Viktor and Yuuri stood nearby, ready to resolve the conflict if needed. It was clear to everyone that Yurio responded to Yuki’s training much better than Yakov’s. Even if Yurio did value Yuki’s critiques more, the blond was incredibly rude to go to Yuki instead of Yakov.

 

“What makes you respond to his training and not mine?” Yakov asked.

 

“I don’t fucking know!” Yurio admitted.

 

To be honest, no one knew why they responded to Yuki’s critiques the way they did, no matter how he phrased it. It was like a prompt that made each skater want to practice more.

 

Yuki sighed, absently landing a quad lutz a little heavier than he would’ve liked. Skating in lazy circles, he looked up to the ceiling. With a bitter smile, he looked away, jumping a double toe loop.

 

People noticed that there were certain people that Yuki didn’t bother helping all that much. All of those skaters skated magnificently on a technical level, but Yuki couldn’t see the passion in what they did. To Yuki, figure skating was an art, a form of expression for him, so he couldn’t meet eye to eye with people like JJ.

 

Covering his mouth as he yawned, Yuki looked back toward Yurio and Yakov, seeing an argument about to take place between the student and the teacher. Knowing that he was the cause, Yuki knew that he should never intervene, no matter the circumstances. But at the same time, he could defuse the argument quickly if he wanted to.

 

Skating a little closer, Yuki listened in.

 

“What makes you want to impress him?”

 

“Because his coaching is different to yours! He ignores me and no one ignores me!”

 

“You’re a junior world champion, you could--”

 

“He is too! Yuki--”

 

“Yakov!”

 

“Yurio!”

 

Viktor and Yuuri decided to step in.

 

“No one really knows why Yuki’s comments make people strive harder,” Viktor admitted.

 

“It might be because of his love for psychology, but I doubt he realises he’s doing it half the time, much less put his knowledge into practice.” Yuuri frowned. “There’s just something about him that makes us all want to listen.”

 

“If this is about me coaching, forget it. I barely praise the people I work with and I’m not very vocal about my opinions either. If you want my opinion, you actually have to ask me for it. I’m not cut out for it at all.” Yuki told them neutrally.

 

“Then why do people respond to your coaching much better?”

 

Yuki frowned, shrugging casually. “Honestly, I have zero ideas. Considering that I’m a failed athlete as well.” The way he spoke was light and casual, almost joking. It eased the tension with his comment on himself.

 

“ _Yuki, this is another reason for you to come back. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, you’re an amazing coach to all of us here. You’ve also managed to tame Yurio and make him willingly practice his hardest for you, something which some of the most accomplished coaches like Yakov cannot do._ ” Yuuri rambled on slightly.

 

“ _Not interested._ ”

 

And his heart broke a little more.

 

* * *

 

“Urgh! I just can’t land a quad flip today!” Guang Hong whined childishly.

 

Yuki chuckled, reaching out to help Guang Hong up. “Can I help?”

 

“Y-yes please!” Guang Hong stuttered shyly.

 

Yuki carefully explained the technique and how to balance out Guang’s body when he landed. Yuki explained his way of balancing out his body when landing to Guang Hong since they were similar in height. Yuki was admittedly more scrawny due to lack of conditioning and Guang Hong was more muscular, so Yuki did make a few adjustments to it.

 

Guang Hong was definitely unnerved to show Yuki his jump after Yuki finished explaining. Skating in a circle to gain speed, he finally jumped, mentally counting his rotations before landing. His landing wasn’t the heaviest nor was it the lightest, but it was great nevertheless.

 

“I did it!” Guang Hong cried out excitedly. “I actually did it!” He cheered. Phichit and Leo came over to congratulate the excited Chinese boy, allowing Yuki to escape undetected.

 

“Yuki!”

 

Yuki turned to the source of the voice, realising it was Yuuri. Skating over, he tilted his head to the side, silently asking for the problem.

 

“How’s this?” Yuuri skated around in a figure eight in order to gain speed before jumping a loop and landing still after a subtle fight to regain balance.

 

Yuki clapped excitedly as a form of encouragement. “Practice will make it better, but you’re doing great! I think you can try it with doubles now.”

 

“Really?” Yuuri’s eyes gleamed in excitement.

 

Yuki casually took his hair tie out and gathered his hair into a neat ponytail again. “Yeah. Try to only practice this on the side because your jumps, spins and step sequences are much more important than landing a still jump.” He advised.

 

“Okay! Thank you!”

 

Yuki smiled at his friend when he went back to practicing landing jumps completely still. Yuki looked away, sighing in exhaustion. Maybe his restless nights were catching up to him. Years of insomnia made sleeping a difficult task for him, ironically.

 

Maybe it wasn’t physical exhaustion he was feeling, perhaps it was emotional. Keeping his guard up and acting the way he did was tiring and he hated it. Yuki had always been the type to willingly suffer through pain as long as it meant that everyone else was able to smile.

 

Shaking his head, Yuki decided to practice his combination jumps and spins in order to get his mind off of his nonsensical thoughts. Listening to his music, he jumped and spun without a care, simply distracting himself from all the annoying things around him.

 

_Smile through the pain, because it’s all you can do._

 

* * *

 

Yurio stepped into the rink, early even by his standards. He expected to be the first skater there, but that was only until he heard the familiar sound of someone practicing. There was no way that he was unable to recognise the beautiful sound of blades scraping against ice.

 

Curious to see who had gotten there before him, Yurio walked toward the rink, trying to guess whose black hair it was. Hiding himself a little, Yurio watched as the man danced along to nonexistent music freely, expressing himself without a care.

 

The long black locks of hair prevented Yurio from seeing the man clearly, but the way he moved seemed as if he was releasing stress and anger. With a final pose, Yurio finally saw his face when he brushed his hair back.

 

Of course, it was Yuki.

 

Yurio wanted to hit himself for his stupidity, honestly.

 

Yuki tied his hair up again, noting that his elastics were becoming less and less effective. Taking a break from his improv, he skated around in a lazy figure eight before jumping a triple axel, landing a little shakily.

 

Cursing under his breath, he tried again, trying to polish his jumps. Yuki continued to spend his energy, jumping until he landed two perfect jumps in a row before trying another jump. Yuki narrowed his eyes angrily when he had to touch the ice in order to balance him out after what was meant to be a triple loop.

 

Yuki took his water bottle drinking in small sips before skating toward the middle to practice spins. First, he would pirouette as many time as he could in a row without losing balance. That was about 9.

 

Then, he practiced a pearl biellmann spin, the spin he was trying to teach Yurio.

 

Yurio was extremely surprised to see that Yuki was wobbling terribly as he switched from the pearl into the biellmann, unable to find his centre of gravity. He knew that Yuki’s biellmann pearl spin was a much harder spin due to the flexibility and balance, but he didn’t know what to attribute Yuki’s failure to.

 

Yuki narrowed his eyes, knowing that his many bruises were only going to increase the more he practiced. He found it funny that he still had to polish some moves. He would only fall in the mornings when no one was around to judge him, but when everyone was around, he’d make sure his every step was flawless.

 

Punching the ice in anger when he fell from a spin, Yuki growled, not wanting to give up just yet. With a deep breath, he caught his skate and began his pearl spin perfectly. Focusing, he began to lean forward and stretch his leg up, keeping the spin as tight and as he straightened his body, focusing on balancing.

 

Yuki quickly broke from the spin, finally satisfied with the spin.

 

 _Jumps and spins should be okay for today. I might be able to get a few step sequences in before people start to show up for the day._ Stretching, Yuki sighed and looked forward, closing his eyes as he spontaneously made a step sequence up on the spot.

 

Yuki kept repeating the same sequence over and over, getting faster each time he did it. As he got faster, the clumsier he became. Yuki focussed until he suddenly moved his left foot too much, knocking his right foot and sending him down.

 

Undeniably frustrated, Yuki got up and kept going until he fell again. And again, and again.

 

Yuki knew that the longer he was on ice, the more his overall performance would improve throughout the day. He also wanted to blame his morning failures on his lack of music, since he had no rhythm to skate off of, leaving him to fall often.

 

He wanted to be more normal, that was why he forced himself to practice without music in the mornings he came before anyone else.  Yuki knew that his quirks were what destroyed his career, that was why he wanted to be _normal_.

 

Yuki knew it was another way that he was conforming to what everyone else did.

 

He knew that he was lying to himself.

 

He knew that he wasn’t being _him._

 

Yuki kept practicing, refusing to stop practicing. No matter how many times he fell, he gets back up and try again. It was a relentless process.

 

Yuki looked at the giant clock above the entrance, knowing that people were bound to come in ten minutes. He slipped on his gloves and his sweater over his skin tight, black t-shirt, making him look less built and more scrawny.

 

Figure skaters were usually all slender with a little muscle to support themselves in the sport, but Yuki lost all his muscles, resulting in him becoming more scrawny. His unforgiving jumping and combination practices along with the daily impromptu performances lead Yuki to gain some of his muscles back, but he was definitely more slender than an average skater.

 

Sighing, he skated to the barrier and slipped his blade protectors back on, walking to the bench where he had left his stuff.

 

Yurio casually slipped out from the hallway, looking like he had just walked in for the day. _Yuki is probably blind AF for not noticing me lol. I recorded all of that bitch, I have more blackmail material!_

 

Yurio honestly couldn’t shake off the sight of Yuki falling so much, concentrating deeply on practicing that he resembled a robot doing as he was told. Shaking his head to erase the image from his mind, Yurio walked up to Yuki, slapping his back roughly as a greeting.

 

“Yo.”

 

“ _What the--_ ”

 

Yurio kicked Yuki down with a glare. English you Japanese midget!”

 

“I was surprised!” Yuki retorted hotly, catching the barrier and hauling himself up.

 

“Whatever, just help me with my spins!”

 

Yuki nodded with a fond smile, waddling toward the opening in the barrier and slipping his blade guards off. Kicking off, he circled the rink quickly before going into a perfect pearl biellmann spin.

 

“Show off.” Yurio growled before attempting his own pearl spin. In his rush, his spin became unbalanced, causing the blond to fall.

 

Yuki broke from the spin simply to laugh at Yurio. “You were saying?”

 

Yurio flashed him the middle finger as he got up. Yuki chuckled in amusement. Yurio noted that Yuki had one earphone in his left ear as he skated.

 

“What else can I do to balance myself out?”

 

Yuki skated toward Yurio, explaining various ways they could balance out their bodies during spins. Carefully, he moved Yurio’s body into the positions as he explained, using minimal touches for the minimal amount of time.

 

Yurio noticed that Yuki was thorough in his explanations despite being as quick and efficient as he could be. It was something that Yurio quite liked. Yuki was always producing results with him, something no one else was able to do.

 

Maybe it was because Yuki knew defeat and he knew victory. Maybe that was why Yurio was much more willing to listen to him. Yurio didn’t know why he chose to listen to Yuki and no one else, because Yakov was obviously a great coach, able to train two world champions at once with some others on the side.

 

Theoretically, people would respond better to Yakov, not Yuki. However, it was always the other way around. People forgoed Yakov’s training in turn for Yuki’s, someone without any notable achievements in the recent years.

 

Yurio tapped Yuki’s shoulder about an hour later, wanting two things.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Feedback and teach me how to do a quad lutz better.” Yurio commanded.

 

Yuki paused before speaking. “Your transitions are still messy and you’re a bit unbalanced sometimes. Using a pearl spin in a competition isn’t far for you now, you can probably use it in your next. Judges will forgive little mistakes since it’s so rare in mens skating. You’re doing really well, but there’s still more work to be done.”

 

As always, Yurio couldn’t tell whether Yuki was proud or disappointed due to his passive way of critiquing. Any bad points were balanced out with subtle praise and his face also remained emotionless, making it extra hard for Yurio to read him.

 

“Quad lutz?”

 

“Well, you can land it okay already, but it changes from time to time.” Yuki commented. “You definitely need to work on your landings.”

 

“Teach me, asshole!”

 

“Watch me and then I’ll explain.” Yuki skated in a tight figure eight twice before jumping, making enough rotations to make it a quad before landing lightly. Skating back to Yurio, he took a deep breath and began to explain.

 

“You need to gain more height in order to make sure you can make all the rotations and not rush and then suddenly land hard.” Yuki continued to explain the details thoroughly, demonstrating the jump a few more times.

 

“Balance is also a big part. Find your centre of gravity and use that to your advantage.”

 

“Where’s yours?”

 

Yuki seemed a little surprised before answering. “The middle of my torso, above my stomach and below my chest.”

 

Yurio nodded thoughtfully, absorbing the information eagerly. “What if my gravity is in a different place? Why are your techniques working for me?’

 

Yuki smiled, ruffling the blond locks of the taller male. “I take those things into account. I can tell where someone’s centre of gravity is by watching them spin and jump.”

 

“My hair!” Yurio hissed, backing away. “Plus, it makes you seem like a stalker.”

 

Yuki laughed, covering his mouth a little with his hand. “Yeah, maybe that’s why I’m studying to become a psychiatrist….” He mused quietly.

 

Yurio narrowed his eyes at Yuki and the forlorn look in his eye. _Dammit! A fucking dog can tell how unsatisfied you are with your life! Why are you being so fucking stubborn and refusing to admit that you belong on an international stage, fighting the rest of us for gold?_

 

_Why the hell did you give up?_

 

_That boy who won gold those two years would have never crumbled like this. He was strong and the man he has become ran away from his future like a coward. I lost back then, but I want to win against him, even if it’s just once._

 

_I swear it. Yuki Aozora, I will make you skate properly again._

 

_Whether you win or lose._

 

* * *

 

Yuki cursed under his breath when he fell down after landing a quad incorrectly. Sighing, he brushed himself off, feeling a throbbing pain on his hip. _Welp, that’s another bruise to deal with._

 

Yuki’s normally pale skin had turned into a mess of black, blue and purple of varying shades. That along with the occasional cuts he gained from the blades of his skate made it look like he was someone’s personal punching bag.

 

Basically he looked like that one middle school kid who’s being bullied relentlessly.

 

To back up the middle school student thing, Yuki was 156 cm tall. That’s not even 5’2 and barely even 5'1 for my american friends.

 

Honestly, Yuki hated his body so much that he dreaded showering. He didn’t want to feel pity for himself just because he was careless and enjoying himself so much.

 

“Yuki!”

 

Hearing the snappy voice made him turn around, seeing an unhappy Yurio. Yuki skated over, knowing that Yurio wanted critiques.

 

“Still not perfect.” Yuki said. “I take back what I said this morning, you’re getting worse as you go. That’s simply because you’re frustrated with yourself for getting it wrong. Either way, I might be the only one who has a better pearl spin than you, so keep trying.”

 

Yurio glared at Yuki’s black cat like pupils spitefully. “Show me again.”

 

Yuki nodded, not bothering to gain speed. He simply assumed the position effortlessly and began to spin before slowly standing straight and stretching his leg up. He didn’t stop spinning, going faster as he went along.

 

Yurio tried to commit the image to memory and make notes, but he was more mesmerised at the visuals in front of him. Yuki made it look easy and effortless with zero signs of strain. He made it look like that anyone was able to do it.

 

Anyone with experience in skating knew that it was never that simple.

 

Yuki broke from the spin, Yurio absently noting that his earphone was still in his ear.

 

“Remember that that’s the end goal. You’ll have to use a camel spin to help you into the catchfoot layback spin and from there you can change it into a pearl spin. There’s no rush to learn it.” Yuki told Yurio.

 

“Of course I’m rushing! I won’t have time to learn other things if I--”

 

“It’s more worth it to learn one thing at a time and learn it perfectly. That way judges can’t take away points for improper execution of these moves.” Yuki spoke firmly with no indication on how he actually felt. Yurio knew that Yuki was honestly correct.

 

“Yuri, there’s still more time before your next competition.” Yuki smiled. “Keep practicing.”

 

Yurio narrowed his eyes angrily. Yuki had always made his skating look effortless, hiding the pain he went through to get his skating perfect. Even then, he willingly threw it all away. Pretty much everything about Yuki and figure skating infuriated the young blond.

 

It was unfair.

 

Yuki had all the qualities to stand toe to toe with Viktor and yet, he turned away from it. He went through so much pain just to walk away. He worked hard and won, simply to run away.

 

He even showed all the signs of a near perfect coach.

 

_Why are you walking away from your god given talents?_

 

Yuki sighed, knowing that something was bothering the young skater. “We can always talk about what’s bothering you, you know? You might not want to talk about it to Yakov, but I’m here if you need someone. I’m probably never going to see any of you again unless I want to support Yuuri in Japan.”

 

“You are bothering me you asshole.” Yurio saw no point in lying. “You and your fucking skating, You and all the life decisions you’ve made that had lead you here. It makes me so angry you dickhead.”

 

The way Yurio expressed his anger was strangely calm. The hardness in his voice made it extremely clear that he was angry.

 

Yuki chose to not speak up, but showed signs of acknowledgement. Speaking would probably knock Yurio over the edge.

 

“You have everything it takes to make a star in figure skating. But you walk away from all of it. Tell me why you stopped skating.”

 

Yuki sighed, facing Yurio. “It made me hate myself. I have a lot of insecurities and that resulted in anxiety when I was still in juniors. Coaches were trying to break me. All of them slowly made a crack and then broke me. I couldn’t take it.”

 

“I hate my style of skating. I wish that I can be normal and skate without music. I wish that the music doesn’t call out to me and take my soul. I wish that I don’t feel that elation whenever I improvise a performance.” Yuki’s voice became notably softer and smaller.

 

“That boy I met at Juniors was never broken.”

 

“That’s called acting.” Yuki smiled a little before hiding it. “There’s always a point when you can no longer hold up an act because you’re too emotionally drained to keep it up.”

 

“Unlike the rest of us, you have what it takes to make yourself into a star. You don’t need anyone else or their fucking opinions. It’s just you, you and you.” Yurio spat. “With me, it’s always Yuri and Yakov, Yuri and Yakov! Our names will always be attached as skater and coach! Do you know how much I fucking hate it?” His voice steadily became louder.

 

“Do you know how much it hurts to be told that I’m not allowed to express myself? I began to believe it and conform! Even now, two years later, I’m still conforming to their ways unconsciously! I’m scared to show off what I’m able to do because every single time, they tell me, ' _no, you can’t do that! You can’t, you can’t, you can’t!_ ' It hurts okay?” Yuki replied evenly in a normal speaking tone.

 

“If I’m constantly being told that I’m not allowed to do whatever I want on ice then I’d rather stop competing because it hurts too much.”

 

“Some courage* you are.” Yurio scoffed. “Why the hell are you even listening to those assholes?”

 

“You think that I wanted to listen to them?”

 

“You belong on the ice! Even after recently skating for the first time in two years, you could probably stand on the podium at the grand prix finals!” Yurio cried. “Why would you give up everything you have, including your happiness?”

 

“I’m never going to compete in a competition again.” Yuki declared, stunning half rink into silence. “No one likes the idea of an improvised performance.”

  


“You can pull it off though! You can create choreography on the spot effortlessly!”

 

“You’ve never been told that you’re not allowed to do something you love, right?” Yuki asked softly.

 

Yurio couldn’t respond.

 

“Then, I’m glad.” Yuki smiled genuinely. Turning away, he saw Yuuri standing right there.

 

“ _Yuki, we need to talk. Yurio’s right about you._ ”

 

“ _Yeah, I know. But you know what anxiety feels like. You were there when it happened._ ” Yuki sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “ _Can you really convince me to compete again?_ ”

 

“ _I’ll die trying._ ” Yuuri promised.

 

“ _Please do._ ” Yuki whispered with a chuckle. From that little action, Yuuri knew that Yuki was hoping to lose the game.

 

“ _Please repeat that!_ ” Yuuri cried, grasping onto Yuki’s shoulders. “ _Please repeat that again! I need to hear it!_ ”

 

Yuki laughed and shook his head. “ _Once is enough._ ”

 

“ _I’m going to make sure that someone wins. Whether it will be one person or a group of us, we’ll win this game! I promise you!_ ”

 

“ _Good luck then._ ”

 

Sometime during their conversation, everyone felt the tension ease enough to return back to what they were doing. Outbursts were common, but serious outbursts were undeniably rare until Yuki came along.

 

“ _Help me with my jumps?_ ”

 

“ _Sure._ ” Yuki agreed with a smile.

 

* * *

 

With the next reason up and coming, most people were trying to pick songs for their long and short routines to choreograph and skate to. Yurio were among the people struggling, sadly. Nothing presented to him was correct, nor did he always like it.

 

It was a plethora of issues compiled in order to create one, large outstanding issue.

 

Walking away from Yakov, whom had presented Yurio with another song that the teenager refused, both were honestly done. Yakov’s voice was hoarse, wanting Yurio to pick two songs and skate to them.

 

It had always been a challenge to choose songs for Yurio, however it was notably harder that season. Yurio felt inspired - more than usual to express himself, thus making the process of his songs much harder.

 

Most people felt the same, making song selections much more specific and tedious than usual.

 

“Goddammit!”

 

“Yuri, calm down. Getting mad will only affect your skating.” Yuki spoke softly without any indication of emotions.

 

“Well, it’s not like you’d understand, asshole.” Yurio scoffed with a glare.

 

“I was never given a choice in the songs I skated to.” Yuki admitted. “Coaches all thought that due to my talent, they could select a song, add choreography to it and make me a winner.”

 

Yurio went quiet.

 

“I don’t need any of them because none of them understand.” Yuki scoffed. “In trainings, I focussed more on jumps, footwork, spins and not actual routines.”

 

Yurio suddenly got an idea. Taking a deep breath, he looked Yuki in the eye. “I have a request.”

 

“Huh?” Yuki easily sensed the difference in Yurio’s overall behaviour.

 

“Choreograph my long and short program for the reason.” Yurio’s voice was as edgy as ever with nothing to sugar coat his natural behaviour. It was just Yurio being Yurio.

 

“Wh-what? Me?” Yuki spluttered out.

 

“Who else?”

 

“Look, I’m not suited to choreograph anyone else’s skates.” Yuki spoke honestly. As honest as he was, he was only viewing things from his own eyes, never stopping to consider how others saw him.

 

“I don’t care. I can handle it.” Yurio answered. “No one else has a better sense of music and choreography than you do.”

 

“That’s a lie.” Yuki laughed it off. “I’m sure I’m not the best.”

 

“Stop the fucking modesty. You’re not a goddamned saint.” Yurio glared. “I’m asking because you’re the only person who fucking understands music on a deeper level and can choreograph the performance I need. Maybe I won’t end up using your choreography or song, but I at least want the option open to me.”

 

Yuki sighed, holding his hands up in surrender. “Fine. Give me a bit of time though.”

 

“I’m fine with that.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Yuki, Viktor, what do you want to eat tonight?” Yuuri asked as they all left the rink with Otabek and Yurio in tow. The latter two were much too engaged in their own conversation to actually notice the former three.

 

“ _Anything is fine._ ” Yuki responded with a tired yawn.

 

Yuuri laughed at his younger friend. Yuuri and Viktor had woken up to find Otabek waking up, Yurio gone with a note in his place and Yuki missing. The two quickly concluded that Yuki was at the rink, since they hadn’t really taught the japanese man how to get anywhere else.

 

Yuuri honestly found it enjoyable to have so many people to kind of take care of. Yuki and Yurio were like their sons and Otabek was like Yurio’s--

 

“ _Yuuri-san, is it okay if I make a few calls outside before heading in?_ ”

 

“ _Huh, what for?_ ”

 

“ _Yurio-kun asked me to choreograph for him this season._ ” Yuki explained with an exhausted smile. “ _I need to sort out songs for him, so I need to ask a friend of mine to help._ ”

 

“ _I thought that he’d end up asking you._ ” Yuuri admitted. “ _I was going to ask you, but I have Viktor. No one else is really close enough to you to dare to ask._ ”

 

“ _Yeah…._ ” Yuki agreed. “ _I’m not sure how I’ll go, but I need the music as soon as I can._ ”

 

“ _Maybe it’s just me, but you seem like a coach to Yurio right now._ ”

 

“STOP SAYING MY FUCKING NAME IN THAT GOD FORSAKEN LANGUAGE GODDAMMIT!” Yurio screamed.

 

Too tired to care, Yuki just hummed in agreement, absently playing with his phone. Yuki stayed at the back of the group, slipping away just as they approached the apartment complex. Typing in his passcode, he turned on his data and proceeded to make the call.

 

“ _Hello, Aozora-kun?_ ”

 

“ _Hello, Kazekurai-san. Are you and Fujimoto free?_ ”

 

“ _I thought you stopped figure skating._ ”

 

“ _It’s not for me._ ”

 

“ _I think the two of us can skip for a little while. I have to find him in Tokyo though._ ”

 

“ _Aren’t you studying in Tokyo?_ ” Yuki asked, confusion.

 

“ _I moved to Yokohoma after Middle School._ ” The childish voice responded.

 

“ _Sorry for calling you so late._ ” Yuki apologised hastily.

 

“ _Don’t worry, my sleeping schedule has hardly changed since middle school._ ” Hearing her laugh reassured Yuki a little. “ _What song do you have in mind?_ ”

 

“ _About that…_ ”

 

* * *

 

“Yuki, where were you?” Yurio demanded.

 

“Busy.” Yuki smiled warmly. “I’ll help Yuuri in the kitchen.” He announced, dropping his bag on the couch after taking his shoes off at the entrance.

 

“ _How did it go?_ ” Yuuri asked curiously.

 

“ _Pretty good. Despite it being about one something in the morning over there._ ” Yuki sighed. “ _I have one musician on my side at the very least. She’s still in high school, but she’s very talented in what she does. If I’m lucky, she’ll get in contact with a friend and they’ll both help._ ”

 

“ _That’s great._ ” Yuuri smiled. “ _Can you dice the meat?_ ”

 

“ _How is your song selection going?_ ”

 

“ _Not good._ ” Yuuri admitted. “ _Viktor is under a lot of stress trying to learn and coach me at the same time. I want to make it easier on him, but at the same time…._ ”

 

Yuki knew better than to offer his assistance. Dealing with envy was not something he wanted to be involved with. “ _Yeah, I understand… but everyone in seniors chooses this road. No one ever said it was easy, but you guys chose this road because it’s what brings you happiness. Even if it is hard, please don’t regret it._ ”

 

Yuuri smiled, looking over his shoulder to look at Yuki’s back. “ _Yeah,_ ” He turned back to what he was doing. “ _I don’t regret my happiness._ _But why did you give up your happiness?_ ”

 

“ _Because it was the cause of my suffering at that time. Those few minutes of happiness wasn’t worth it._ ” Yuki didn’t bother to elaborate any further because Yuuri already knew the entire story.

 

“ _You shouldn’t have retired after juniors._ ”

 

“ _That’s what everyone says. Thank you for this opportunity though…. I at least wish to help the rest of you out on this trip. I think that I’m going to head back in another week and a bit._ ”

 

“ _And live your life on autopilot again?_ ”

 

“ _If that’s how you’d like to put it._ ” Yuki agreed.

 

“ _You’re a great coach._ ”

 

“ _Huh? Where did that come from?_ ” Yuki squeaked in surprise.

 

“ _You training Yurio. You seem to be taking over most of Yakov’s responsibilities for Yurio and doing it better than him._ ”

 

“ _N-no way! Yakov has produced world champions, including Yurio! I can’t just step in and take all the credit!_ ”

 

“ _You know that part of the reason is that Yurio actually listens to you? He’s willing to learn from you._ ”

 

“ _I barely take note of him when he practices…. I’ll probably be the worst coach ever…._ ” Yuki sighed.

 

“ _If you can train Yurio like that then I’m pretty sure you can bring out the potential in everyone._ ” Yuuri smiled. “ _You did it for us when we were younger._ ”

 

“ _That was a long time ago…._ ”

 

“ _I think that it’s a little strange. Your grades were a low average before you quit and after you quit…._ ”

 

“ _Isn’t it?_ ” Yuki laughed. “ _Come on, we’re almost done._ ”

 

Yuuri knew that he was meant to drop the topic. “ _Why do you still care?_ ”

 

“ _Because the past haunts everyone._ ” Yuki sighed. “ _I have too many bad memories associated with Figure Skating._ ”

 

“ _But you still live for it._ ”

 

Yuki made no indication that he had heard Yuuri’s soft words.

 

But his heart broke a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW  
> This is actually on time for a change! Whoo! I did run into a bit of trouble editing this, but it wasn't as bad as last chapter. Also, about Yuki's name, it traditionally has quite a few meanings and is a gender neutral name specifically because Yuki is such a genderfluid character. 
> 
> 1\. Yuki written as 雪 means snow.
> 
> 2\. Written as 由紀 with the first character, yu meaning reason or cause and the second character, ki meaning chronical, so chronical cause or something like that. The ki can also be written as 貴 means valuable or precious, making the name mean valuable reason or something along those lines. 
> 
> 3\. Yuki written as 幸 means happiness or luck/good fortune.
> 
> 4\. 勇気 is another way of writing Yuki meaning courage using the first character Yu (which is also in Yuuri's name, so it should be spelt with an extra u) which basically means courage and the second character, ki meaning well, care and things along that line, I'm not exactly sure how to describe it to be honest, I just know...
> 
> 5\. One of my personal favourite way to write Yuki is 有希. The first character means to have and the second character means hope, meaning to have hope. 
> 
> 6\. 侑季is yet ANOTHER way. The first character means to help or assist and the second meaning seasons. 
> 
> There are literally ENDLESS ways to write Yuki's name, something that I personally quite like. So, when Yurio says "Some courage you are." (or something like that), he assumed that since Yuki and Yuuri both have the 'yu' in their names, they had similar meanings. 
> 
> Yes. I headcanon that Yurio is actually pretty smart, but just doesn't show it. 
> 
> Oh yeah, these meanings all have things to do with Yuki and the book in some sort of fashion, but I could only choose one way to write it, so take a guess!


	5. A Little More Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It made Yuki look more human.
> 
> And Yuki noticed.

Yuki’s eyes shone brightly, looking at the recording he was sent along with the message and a selfie of the two and their respective instruments. 

 

_ We managed to get the short program done, but we’ll need a little more time to finalise the long program song because we decided to make an original after watching some of his performances. Don’t worry about owing us, you gave us time off from school and work! _

 

Yuki’s eyes glowed as he quickly typed a response. 

 

_ Thank you both so much! _

 

Yuki tapped play on the recording before starting to move his body along to the music. Finishing the song, he frowned and made some changes mentally as he rested. Then, he redid the song.

 

That was basically all he did for the entire day unless somebody requested his help or when they gathered to make a fool of people dancing to unfamiliar and non-traditional songs and to make Yuki skate to Kiss the Rain by Yiruma. 

 

Yuki’s first week in Saint Petersburg was almost over and he was thinking of staying for another week or two. Everyone was running out of time to convince Yuki to continue to skate.

 

Yuki was almost done with the choreography by the end of the day, purposely slipping a pearl biellmann spin into the program. Yuki had faith that Yurio would be able to master his performances with only a fall or two. 

 

Yurio had purposely tried not to bother Yuki that day after noticing that he was dancing to the same song over and over again, making adjustments with each run through. He concluded that it was his choreography for the season.

 

The next day, Yuki looked at his phone, seeing another message, audio recording and picture.

 

_ We finished it! We’re honestly not too sure about the theme, but Fuyuki and I decided to let you be the judge of it. We also want you to name the song. Message us if you want any changes or adjustments because it means more time off for us. _

 

Yuki was surprised that the two had managed to get things done so quickly. Then again, the two were known as musical prodigies in any instruments that they played. Fujimoto was more of a strings and lute musician and Fuyuki was much more random and sporadic with things like voice, Ocarina, harp, violin, piano, guitar and various other instruments under her belt. 

 

Yuki heard somewhere that Fuyuki was a genius in anything she did, be it sports, academics or any sort of arts. The only thing he knew that she couldn’t do was ice skating, which was ironic since they were introduced when Fujimoto was asked to arrange a song for him by an old coach. Yuki always made a point to taunt the half Norwegian, half Japanese girl about her inability to skate.

 

Yuki stayed at the apartment longer than usual, scribbling notes and crossing out frantically as he listened to the soulful original. He imagined skating to the piece, wondering how to elevate it and make it better using Yurio’s skating.

 

When he went to the rink, he quickly skated to River Flows In You by Yiruma (damn, someone really likes the Korean musician) and then began to practice and adjust the new song to fit Yurio’s skill and stamina. 

 

Repeating the song over and over never really affected Yuki’s abilities because he was doing it willingly. When asked to choreograph and rehearse something for himself, Yuki would always get worse and worse at his performance before refusing the choreography he made for himself.

 

Honestly, even Yuki couldn’t understand the mechanics of his improvised performances. He didn’t understand what made him feel conformed and trapped in the first place. He just knew it was happening and refused to skate to something that made him suffocate.

 

“Hey,”

 

Yuki finished the jump, skating up to Yurio in confusion. “Do you need help?”

 

“Feedback.”

 

Yuki looked away awkwardly. “Show me.”

 

That caught Yurio off guard. He assumed that Yuki was watching out of the corner of his eye, like always. He hesitated long enough to tell Yuki that he was surprised. He went to quickly show Yuki his attempt at a pearl biellmann spin.

 

“You’re still shaky and your transition is still messy. You’ve definitely made a lot of progress in a few days, but you show obvious strain and balance issues during the spin.” Yuki told him, ignoring the song playing in his ear. 

 

“Tch… still not good enough….”

 

“Don’t be so critical. You’re mastering it faster than I was able to.” Yuki smiled. Yurio searched his face for signs of lying but found none. 

 

“Well, that’s some good news at least.” Yurio puffed his chest out proudly.

 

“I did it perfectly in the passing of one competition in exchange for a sit biellmann spin combination.” Yuki chuckled. “Then, it took me like a month or two to do it perfectly again on a consistent basis.”

 

Yurio knew that Yuki was a great liar he could rarely differentiate lies from truths. The story sounded true enough for someone like Yuki, so Yurio dropped the thought.

 

“Did you attempt it in competitions during that time?”

 

“I’m not that dumb, Yurio.” Yuki chortled. “I tried it again soon after at practice, failed and decided to avoid it.” 

 

“Why are you using that dumb nickname too?”

 

“Your vocabulary is awfully tame today.” Yuki smiled. As always, his chin was raised slightly to look toward Yurio’s emerald eyes. Yuki was never one for eye contact, purposely looking everywhere except for his friend’s eyes.

 

“You better shut up before I make you,” Yurio growled. 

 

Yuki didn’t respond in anyway, concentrating on the music carefully. “I’ll have your short and long program for you in about two days at most.”

 

Yurio opened his mouth to respond nonchalantly (rudely), but then he registered Yuki’s words clearly. “What the hell? I asked you to do this like yesterday! You know that not everyone has monster stamina like you and Katsudon, right? How the hell can you be done in like 3, 4 days?”

 

Yuki laughed, looking at his pocket, where his earphones lead. “I just have some really good friends.” 

 

“You’re not choreographing this?” Yurio asked, almost meekly.

 

Yuki laughed at the disappointment in Yurio’s body language and tone. “Did you want me to?” He teased.

 

“Sh-shut up! I don’t care, you know?” Yurio yelled at Yuki. “I was just asking to test you anyway, so---”

 

Yurio was cut off with laughter. “You’ll see.” Yuki turned away, performing a serpentine step sequence that barely lasted a few strides. As in, Yuki’s strides, which are tiny because he’s so short. 

 

“The blades of your skates are designed for jumps, correct?” Yuki asked.

 

“Yeah… why?” Yurio asked hesitantly.

 

“I just want to make sure.” Yuki murmured absently.

 

“I want to know about yours too then,” Yurio demanded evenly.

 

“Mine are designed for spins. These were originally only used for competitions, but I threw all of my other skates out.” 

 

“Weak.”

 

“If that’s what you want to call it.” Yuki agreed wholeheartedly on the inside, despite his words.

 

“Why spins though?” Yurio continued to ask. 

 

“They were a gift from several of my old rinkmates. They chose spins because I’m known for my combinations, which consist of a lot of spins when landing from jumps, spins in general and spins to make it into a sequence. I work with a lot of curves as well, so circles and serpentines.” Yuki explained. 

 

“Have you actually sharpened them recently?” Yurio asked skeptically.

 

“Nope!” Yuki laughed easily. “There’s honestly no point in sharpening them anymore. I spend most of my time here in this rink, skating from morning to night with maybe an hour to three hours of break.”

 

“How haven’t you fallen yet?” Yurio roared in outrage. “I have like five skates on rotation because they dull out and I can’t practice without them!”

 

“I adjust easily on ice.” Yuki grinned. “Just another aspect of improv. Plus, I’ve fallen more than you think.” 

 

“Yeah, at your early morning practices.”   
  


“Ah, I thought I saw leopard print the other day. Only a glimpse though.” Yuki sighed.

 

“You need to rest your feet and stop with all those botched jumps and spins,” Yurio told him. “They’re going to be completely black and blue soon, not to mention the other parts of your body.”

 

Yuki laughed but didn’t elaborate on why. His entire body was already black, blue and purple. Physical pain wasn’t about to hold him back from his emotional happiness. “Well, are you going to hit the gym soon or dance studio soon?”

 

“Did you ever do ballet?” Yurio suddenly blurted out.

 

Yuki’s eyes widened by a fraction before returning to normal, letting Yurio think he had imagined it. “I did at some point, but I switched to contemporary soon after. I quit before twelve because I had the same problems, though to a much smaller degree. Even so, I never had the passion for ballet and contemporary, my passion is for figure skating and psychology.”

 

That last word stung. 

 

_ There’s something more to his life with figure skating than he’s telling us…. I’m guessing katsudon knows, so I’ll need to ask. _

 

* * *

 

Yuuri looked at the text on his phone in complete and utter confusion. Then he looked up at Yurio, who was on his phone on the other side of the rink. Then he looked at his phone again.

 

_ We need to talk. In private. _

 

_ Sure, but where, when and why? _

 

_ Just sometime soon, preferably as fast as you can. _

 

_ We’re in the middle of practice! _

 

_ I don’t care. Don’t tell anyone about this. _

 

_ We can head to lunch together and leave the others I guess. _

 

_ That’s fine. Translating will be an absolute pain though. Fuck you. _

 

Yuuri slipped his phone back into his bag, heading over to the rink to skate again. He heard Yakov yelling at Yurio angrily for being on his phone and not paying as much attention. Despite Yurio being an awful and frustrating student lately, everyone noticed that Yurio was improving at a rapid pace.

 

Yurio wasn’t slowing down in the slightest, charging forward and threatening to leave everyone else behind him. Everyone, including Lilia and Yakov were forced to attribute Yurio’s improvements to Yuki.

 

They spent most of their time together, at the gym, at dance studios and in the rink. More often than not, they would separate for the former two, since Yuki didn’t exactly have to do it. Yurio did force Yuki to go to them occasionally for help, especially in the dance studio. 

 

By the time lunch time rolled around, both Yuuri and Yurio snuck out of the giant group when they were splitting up for lunch. They met at a relatively unknown cafe that was a thirty minute walk from the rink. Yurio refused to budge about what he wanted to talk about until they were seated at a cozy booth and had ordered.

 

“Are you going to tell me yet?”

 

“Negative feedback from coaches aren’t the only things holding Yuki back, right?” Yurio asked.

 

“Obviously not.” Yuuri chortled. “It’s a tiny factor, but he blames it on his coaches to make it easier for himself.” He sighed, thinking of his friend. “Yuki was never an outstanding student academically until he quit figure skating. After that, he suddenly became the top student in every subject and skipped two years.”

 

Yurio’s eyes widened, hearing that new piece of information. 

 

“His emotions when performing are always almost genuine. Be it happiness or sadness, he embodies the emotion completely. We rarely see this, but in sadness, his emotions are completely out on display.” Yuuri explained. 

 

“Why though? Don’t fuck around with words. I actually want to know.” Yurio demanded.

 

“Yuki is originally not from Hasetsu, he’s from Sendai, Miyagi prefecture. He moved to Hasetsu on his own to pursue figure skating and he lived with my family, since the two of us are related, although a little distantly.” Yuuri admitted. “We’re like second cousins, but my father was really close to his mother as cousins, so it worked out.” 

 

“What the hell! I only just find out that you’re related? Fuck, who else knows?”   
  


“The Takeshi, Yuuko and my family.” 

 

Yurio thought that it was a bit of an explanation as to why Yuuri was so protective and caring toward Yuki, despite never really mentioning him before. Nevertheless, Yurio had known Yuuri and gotten to know Yuki well enough to know that there was more to the story.

 

“What else?”   
  


“In the last few years of his career, Yuki fought a wide range of mental disorders.” Yuuri sighed, closing his eyes as he relived the memories. “Depression, anxiety - maybe worse than mine, schizophrenia and a few others. Don’t quote us on this because when we took him to a therapist or psychologist, he’d refuse to open up.”

 

“How the hell does that work? He’s trying to become a fucking psychiatrist!”

 

“His curiosity of psychology may have started from this.” Yuuri chuckled to lighten the mood.

 

The waitress that served them earlier came with a plate of food for both skaters. Yurio thanked her in his own abrasive way before stealing a chip from Yuuri’s plate. Yuuri didn’t seem to mind, giving thanks before eating slowly. 

 

“Tell me more.”

 

“He won’t appreciate you digging into his past or me telling you any of this.” Yuuri chortled. “But I think that you, above anyone else right now should really know. Just don’t tiptoe around him after this.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“All of his mental disorders stopped, maybe a month after he quit skating. But he’d get horrible anxiety in the week before a competition due to pressure from his coaches to skate the routine like he was meant to. Depression from pressure in practice in general. Around 11 was when he first showing signs of his true talents and not even a year later, skating didn’t make him all that happy anymore.”

 

“He’d show signs of schizophrenia during the day sometimes as a result, especially at the rink.” Yuuri explained. “I moved away before that though, to Detroit to continue my career. From what I was told by everyone else, Yuki would go missing at nights really often or leave his lights on for the entire night.” 

 

“Insomnia?”   
  


“Yeah, that’s what we think. He actually began to buy makeup to hide his undereye bags. Mari found some when she went to check on him one night.” Yuuri chuckled. “He had really long hair at the time and with his natural figure, he passed off as a girl and got random confessions from time to time.” 

 

Yurio laughed boisterously at the sound of that. “Just like fucking Viktor!”

 

“There was one year, I was able to head back to Hasetsu.” Yuuri looked away, putting down his fork. “I went to Yuki’s room to check on his for the entire time at night. There were several times, I found him completely awake and frozen and frightened. When I say frozen, I mean he was completely still for several minutes after I found him.”

 

“I stayed with him those times, making sure he got sleep. I ended up googling it and found out that it was sleep paralysis. Yuki was experiencing hallucinations as well during those seconds or minutes. It’s caused by genetics or sleep deprivation, so that’s where insomnia comes into play. His insomnia is caused by nightmares or night terrors, we’re not sure which.”

 

“Holy shit….”

 

“If you think that Yuki is weak because he quit, I disagree. He let go of the thing that caused him pain and happiness. Pain like that will be too overwhelming to handle for a few minutes of happiness. He had to let go.” 

 

Yurio had to agree. He knew that it was probably bad, but he didn’t know that it was that bad.

 

“There’s also the fact that his femininity caused him to be bullied. Yuki knows how his performances work and growing his hair out was ideal for him. In all of his performances, he embodies beauty and grace without trying and it would look much better with long hair.” Yuuri chuckled. “He cut it off after his mental issues stopped, according to Mari. He hasn’t cut it off since though.”

 

Yurio nodded thoughtfully. Both of them were too consumed in the [one sided] conversation to pay attention to food. 

 

“Then there’s the part that Yuki hides with his life. It contributed to most of his pain.” Yuuri sighed, closing his eyes in pain. “The 2011 Tohoku Earthquake and Tsunami….’

 

Yurio’s eyes widened, knowing what Yuuri was implying.

 

“Yuki is horrible with people in general, so his feisty behaviour and anger when he was younger was a shield to protect himself.” Yuuri spoke softly. “He has two little sisters that he loved to death. He did so much for those two with all of his prize money, spoiling them to bits. His behaviour with them changed so much, he was the sweetest older brother ever with enough strictness so that the girls were raised correctly.”

 

“Kiku was the older sister who was 3 years younger than Yuki. She’d be 15 this year….  Yume was the younger one, 6 years younger, so 12 this year…. They both died in the earthquake six years ago, aged 8 and 5 respectively….” 

 

Yuuri’s voice became hushed in despair.

 

“His father also died soon after in the tsunami. His mother was injured and in hospital for the next few years. Yuki found out pretty soon after the disasters and his mother was taken to Tokyo for treatment. He was only 11 at the time….” 

 

Yurio and Yuuri had both long lost their appetites. It was becoming harder and harder for them both to speak, to listen and to act.

 

“Yuki performed in a lot more competitions from then on to try and help out with his mother’s hospital fees and was thus unable to visit.” Yuuri murmured. “Before the earthquake, Yuki hadn’t spoken to his family for about a year, only sending them gifts and _omiyage_ from his travels. He never left a note or message, since he didn’t know how.”

 

“After the earthquake, his mother was deafened as one of many injuries from the incident. Yuki couldn’t call her and speak to her, he had to write notes, but he lacked the social skills to be able to. We tried to help and I flew from Detroit for a couple of days to help, but he became shut in and more depressed than ever.”

 

“Then, when he was 15, during his final competition….”

 

Yuuri’s voice was extremely pained as he spoke.

 

“You shouldn’t continue….” Yurio offered. “I know more than enough.”

 

“This is the part you must know.” Yuuri shook his head. “During the morning of the long program for juniors, Yuki got a phone call from the hospital that his mother was in. She made an attempt at suicide ten minutes ago, crying about her family.”

 

Yurio gasped in horror, wide eyed.

 

“Yuki’s turn was in about thirty minutes, so he made quick work and tried to get to the hospital as fast as he could. He was a little lucky because it was in Tokyo, where the competition was held.” Yuuri bit his lips as his eyes glistened. “His coach found out like ten minutes before Yuki’s turn.”

 

“The coach didn’t….”

 

“He said that Yuki’s mother would be fine and made sure that Yuki skated to his long program. In the middle of his program, the coach declined any and all calls from the unknown number, which was the hospital.” Yuuri wiped the tears that fell.

 

“When Yuki finished, he didn’t take care of his skates at all, dulling them out by forgetting his blade guards and forgetting to wipe them. He didn’t even watch his score, snatching his phone back, putting on a sweater and rushing to the hospital.”

 

“Please tell me she’s alive….” Yurio pleaded quietly.

 

_ “ She died of a heart attack during his performance .” _

 

* * *

 

Yurio returned to the apartment ridiculously early with Yuuri that day, straight after lunch (which was left unfinished and put into take out boxes). Neither of them felt up to whatever had been planned for the afternoon. 

 

They stayed in their respective rooms that they shared with Viktor and Otabek respectively, leaving their phones on silent on the bench outside. 

 

It explained everything.

 

It explained why Yuki refused to perform again. Performing costed him his family.

 

It explained why Yuki was so skittish on his first day.

 

It explained his defiance to conform to what Yakov said.

 

As Yurio thought, it wasn’t the coaches, they only added salt to the wounds. 

 

Pretty much everything he assumed was correct, except to a much deeper degree than he would have hoped for. 

 

Aozora Yuki was anything but weak. 

 

He was strong for coming out on top of everything.

 

* * *

 

“I found them!” Yuki’s hushed voice still woke Yurio from his rest. 

 

Yurio sat up on his bed, groaning in pain. He flashed the middle finger to the older male, who was speaking on the phone quickly.

 

“They’re both in the apartment, sleeping.” Yuki told Viktor.

 

“WHAT? Get them both back to the rink right now! They both know that--”

 

“Yeah, I’ll get them there if they’re both physically and emotionally well enough to.”

 

Yurio woke up with sore muscles and a headache that was made worse by Yuki’s telephone conversation. He also felt emotionally drained for literally no reason. That was until he remembered Yuki’s story.

 

Yuki left Yurio and returned with a kitty mug of warm chocolate milk and his phone. Passing the mug to Yurio, Yuki also plugged in his phone for him.

 

“What the hell is going on?”

 

“It’s like five thirty, you were both meant to be back at the rink at like 2 at the very latest and no one could get into contact with you two. How do you feel?” Yuki asked in a soothing voice.

 

“Like shit! My head hurts, my body hurts, everything fucking hurts! Yeah, I’m also emotionally fucking dead!” Yurio whined dramatically.

 

“Shhh, not so loud. Yuuri is still sleeping.” Yuki hushed. He brushed Yurio’s golden locks aside to feel his forehead for any signs of fever. Yurio was too exhausted to argue, silently letting Yuki check his entire body over for signs of injury, illness or pain.

 

“Well, you seem fine for the most part.” Yuki smiled. “Just a little stressed, tired and sore. I’m pretty sure that you have a headache, but I can’t read russian, so you’re on your own.” 

 

“Goddammit! Fuck you japanese assholes! I’m  _ dying _ , Yuki!”

 

Yuki laughed, swiping Yurio’s phone open before trying to guess the 6 numbered password. Looking Yurio in the eye, he recited the numbers one to 7, noticing that Yurio flinched at one of the numbers. He did it again until he had three numbers. Then, he guessed the rest of the password.

 

Yuki used the spotlight search on Yurio’s phone to search go onto his instagram. He switched accounts onto the username Ice-Tiger193 and handed the phone back, letting Yurio scroll through his secret instagram account that was completely dedicated to cats as he drank his chocolate milk.

 

“I’m going to check on Yuuri, I’ll be back soon.” Yuki promised before shutting the door behind him.

 

Yuki quickly made a mug of warm plain milk for Yuuri, grabbing his phone as well before knocking and heading into Yuuri and Viktor’s room. He knocked before entering, walking in to see Yuuri sleepily putting his glasses on, most likely disturbed by the knock.

 

“ _ Oh, Yuki… good morning…. _ ” Yuuri mumbled sleepily.

 

“I think that it’s around five forty five right now. Everyone got worried and they want you both back at the rink as soon as possible.” Yuki smiled, handing Yuuri the milk. “ _ How do you feel? _ ”

 

“ _ Just emotionally drained and a little tired. _ ” Yuuri murmured, sipping the milk. 

 

That tiny detail wasn’t missed by Yuki, who was able to piece most of the story together. “ _ Well, it seems like Yurio got the worst of it because I think he has a headache and sore muscle to deal with on top of that. _ ”

 

“ _ Yeah, now that you mention the sore muscles….” Yuuri groaned, stretching out his body. “But this is kinda normal, isn’t it? _ ”

 

“ _ Yeah, for you guys. I can’t read or understand russian, so we’ll need Viktor or Yurio to check over the medicine, I don’t want to give you something you shouldn’t have. _ ” Yuki smiled.

 

“ _ Where’s Makkachin? _ ”   
  


“ _ At the rink with Viktor. You and Viktor showed up with him earlier today, remember? _ ” Yuki frowned, wondering when Yuuri developed short term memory loss. 

 

“ _ Right, everything’s a little hazy right now, sorry _ ….” 

 

Yuki made a mental note of Yuuri’s words. “ _ Viktor was really worried and Yakov was simply angry. They want the two of you back at the rink as soon as possible, but I told Viktor that I’m not letting you go until I’ve made sure you’re both okay. _ ”

 

“ _ You’re going to make us go, right? _ ” 

 

“ _ No. _ ” Yuki smiled. “ _ One, I’m too lazy. Two, I’m guessing that you said something to him, right? _ ”

 

“ _ He needed to know. _ ” Yuuri felt his hands get sweaty when he couldn’t decipher how Yuki felt about it.

 

Yuki hummed thoughtfully. “ _ It doesn’t really matter anymore, does it? _ ”

 

“ _ What? Of course it does! _ ” Yuuri cried, almost spilling his milk. “ _ It definitely matters! _ ”

 

“ _ Calm down and don’t move too quickly. I don’t want you to inflict anymore damage on yourself. _ ” Yuki murmured quietly. 

 

“ _ Yuki, I don’t know how to convince you, but I know that every single one of us, including yourself knows that you belong on the ice and that’s not a future you can compromise! _ ”

 

“ _ Maybe. _ ”

 

His heart broke a little more.

 

* * *

 

Yuki sighed, leaving Yurio’s room after realising that he was asleep. Hearing the door open, he knew that Otabek and Viktor were back. Makkachin eagerly ran up to him in search for attention as soon as his leash was undone.

 

“ _ Hello, Makka-chan! _ ” Yuki giggled, his hair creating a curtain to shield his expression from Otabek and Viktor. If the two didn’t know any better, they would’ve thought that Yuki was a tomboyish female.

 

“How are they?” Otabek spoke up. 

 

Yuki looked up, brushing his hair back as he scratched Makkachin. “Yuuri is feeling sore from practice and pretty tired. Yurio is the same except with a headache I think. Both are emotionally drained for some reason, but I didn’t ask why.”

 

“Emotionally?” Viktor echoed in confusion.

 

“I’ll cook a light meal for them later. They probably need something for their muscles and Yurio will need medicine. I didn’t want to give them anything wrong, so can you please give it to them before we eat? They’re both asleep right now.” 

 

“Sure.” Viktor sighed. “Thanks for finding and taking care of them. Yurio isn’t the most pleasant to deal with in general, much less when he’s sick.”

 

Yuki laughed it off easily. “It’s fine. It reminds me of my little sisters.”

 

“Really?” Viktor’s eyes widened in surprise. “You have sisters?”   
  


“Yeah, they’re the sweetest little girls ever.” Yuki smiled. “Yurio is like a more violent version of them, but deep down, the three of them are pretty much the same. It’s not hard once you observe someone for a while.”

 

Viktor smiled fondly, seeing Yuki’s forlorn expression. Deciding to drop the topic (thankfully), he and Otabek went to put their stuff down and shower in turns, doing their very best to not go into the two Yuri’s rooms. If they had to, they did so as quietly and quickly as possible.

 

Yuki quickly made some miso soup along with a balanced japanese dinner for the skaters with some food he found in the kitchen. The kitchen had some rice and japanese condiments, probably work of Yuuri since the older japanese skater once mentioned that Viktor couldn’t cook and Yurio was busy with online studies at home. 

 

Within an hour, Yuki had set everything onto the table, ready to be eaten. He called Viktor and Otabek, telling them to eat first. Then, he called Yuuri out to eat after setting Makka on the exhausted japanese man.

 

Yurio was next.

 

Knocking gently on the door before slowly creeping in, Yuki walked toward Yurio’s bed without turning the lights on or making his footsteps quieter. “ _ Yurio, wake up. _ ”

 

“SHUT UP YOU JAPANESE ASSHOLE! I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK IT IS, I KNOW SOMEONE SPOKE JAPANESE!”

 

Yuki grinned when his hunch was correct, allowing him to open the lights. 

 

“FUCKING DICK!”   
  


Yurio curled up under his blankets as if he was a vampire in sunlight, cursing at Yuki in russian.

 

“Yurio, I’ll do most of your math and english homework for you if you get up right now.” 

 

Immediately, Yurio got out of bed, still wrapped up in his sheets.

 

“You need to eat. How’s your head?” Yuki asked.

 

“Hurts like a bitch still….” Yurio mumbled with a bit of a pout.

 

Yuki nodded thoughtfully. “I made food and Viktor’s back, so he can find some medicine for you. I’ll do your math homework, but I can’t read russian.”

 

“Yeah, I get the point.”

 

Yuki walked out of the room with Yurio trailing behind, deciding to ditch the bulky blankets. “Viktor, can you get the medicine for headaches? It’s best to eat medicine on an empty stomach.” He smiled.

 

Viktor looked up with a smile. “Sure!” He chirped, standing up to grab the medicine. Yurio kept trying to sneak a small piece of teriyaki chicken off of the plate but to no avail, since Yuki caught sight of any suspicious movement. 

 

After making sure that Yurio consumed the tablet, Yuki finally let him eat. Yuki began his meal as well, absently noting that the rest were almost done with their meals. It was obvious that everyone was avoiding the elephant of the room. 

 

Yuki didn’t speak as he ate, as per usual. Yurio occasionally complained and Otabek offered few words of comfort. Yuuri was abnormally quiet as Viktor rambled on about something Chris did at lunch that day.

 

Everyone left the table when they were done or soon after they were done, leaving Yurio and Yuki alone at the table. 

 

“Why did you let the two of us skip?” Yurio asked quietly in order to avoid gaining any unwanted attention.

 

“You weren’t going to perform well anyway.” Yuki answered quietly, using his spoon to scoop the chicken into his mouth. “It could’ve caused an unwanted injury.”

 

“You seem like a really unreliable coach.”

 

“I’m not a coach.” Yuki scoffed, shoving the last spoonful of rice in his mouth and quickly standing up. “ _ Thanks for the meal _ ,” He murmured quietly before putting his dishes into the dishwasher. “I’ll do your homework now.” 

 

With that, Yuki slipped into Yurio’s room, guessed the password to his laptop in under ten tries and began to navigate around the foreign language to try and access his homework.

 

Two hours later, Yurio still hadn’t entered the room. Yuki shut the laptop down, since he finished the math and english homework with a bit of help from his music. Luckily, neither had any russian involved, so it was easy for him. 

 

Leaving the room, Yuki quickly went into the living room, seeing everyone there. He slept on the couch, so most of his stuff was littered around the corners of the relatively large room. 

 

“Finished?”

 

“It wasn’t hard.” Yuki retorted, grabbing his own laptop to do his own work. “And don’t you have a headache?”

 

“Subsided a while ago.” 

 

Yuki barely registered Frozen playing on the television screen, plugging in his earphones and phone onto his laptop. He transferred video files from his phone onto his laptop, for example the two songs Yurio could possible skate to for the upcoming season.

 

As he waited for that to finish, he checked on the notes that his Psychology professor had sent him. Yuki absorbed the information subconsciously as usual, finding that psychology was a bit more boring than usual. He kept the two songs on replay, trying to familiarise himself with it.

 

Yuki’s eyes twitched whenever a song came on, since Viktor made it a point to sing each and every line. If he didn’t know the lyrics, it became a mumbling mess. He also managed to round the entire group to sing along every single time, minus Yuki of course.

 

Yuki finished his psychology homework quickly, moving onto his medical homework. When Frozen ended, they played Moana, then Tangled, then Pocahontas, then the entire third era from Disney where all the princesses were the heroes. 

 

They went well into the night surprisingly, but Yuki knew that Otabek was drifting in and out of consciousness, so he’d be fine in the morning. Yuuri and Yurio slept earlier, so they’d also be fine. Yuki had insomnia, so he rarely needed sleep, one or two hours would suffice. Then there was Viktor, who was the most eager to watch all of the movies. Viktor was Viktor, he’d be fine. 

 

Yuki finished all of his homework (surprisingly) despite the constant disruptions. He was also able to work on Yurio’s choreography a little more and ensure that whatever he had down adhered to the rules, since he was worried that it may had changed or something. 

 

_ Not long left until I’ve finished… but there’s something I need to speak to the two about…. _ Opening his phone, Yuki quickly tapped on his messenger app and opened the chat between the three of them.

 

_ Kazekurai-chan, Fujimoto-kun, is it too much to ask you to change something in the short program? _

 

* * *

 

Yuki looked around the room that was still dark. He saw that everyone had crashed in the living room with the television still on, displaying the menu screen from Mulan. Disks were strewn over the carpet from what Yuki could make out from under the television lights.

 

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, noting that they felt a little greasy. Yuki stood up, grabbed a change of clothing from his suitcase under the dim light from his phone and decided to have a quick shower. He was wide awake anyway. 

 

The sun was beginning to rise as Yuki made breakfast for the entire group. He was making omelettes for everyone, sneaking in vegetables that he knew some of them hated. They needed their nutrients as athletes whilst he could snack on ten nutella donuts for breakfast if he wished to do so.

 

He didn’t bother to turn the stove on until he heard the first person wake up and begin to wake everyone else up. Everyone was still on time, since Yuki made a notification at 7:30 so that they wouldn’t sleep in too much.

 

Yuki began to cook everything and put them on plates just in time because the four seemed to move as a single unit. They greeted him sleepily before digging into their food for the morning. 

 

Yuki listened to them as they ate, cleaning up the kitchen and washing the dishes. 

 

“How’s your song choice coming along, Otabek?”

 

“Not good.” 

 

“It seems that no one can decide this season.” Yuuri chuckled. “Everyone feels like upping their game just a little bit more than usual, right?”

 

“Yeah….” Viktor murmured, taking a glance over at Yuki. “Yurio, your arguments with Yakov have been getting really explosive lately….”

 

“I don’t care. His song choices and choreography have been getting shitter and shitter, like he’s going fucking deaf.” 

  
“You need to decide soon.” Viktor advised, knowing how hard it was for Yakov to manage four students, one of which was coaching an opponent, another with a lion’s heart, one was freaking emo and the last was just bat shit crazy.

 

“I’m pretty sure I’ll have the choreography and song set in a couple of days.”

 

“Right, Yuki’s doing that for you.” Yuuri brightened up, bringing the other japanese man into the conversation. 

 

“Huh?”

 

“WHAT?”

 

Yuki chuckled from his spot, drying the final spoon and setting it in the drawer. “It’s been going on for a couple of days. Yurio hasn’t heard the songs, but I have been practicing the choreography and making it up at the rink.” 

 

Otabek and Viktor has a plethora of problems they could think of. Most of the problems were for Yurio, and a small amount was for themselves, just incase Yuki’s choreography worked. 

 

“Yeah, the rest of us are pretty much dead.” Yuuri laughed cheerfully. “It’s not the first time Yuki has choreographed for someone else and he’s amazing at it.”

 

“I had to make a lot of  adjustments for Y--”   
  


“Oh, hush!” 

 

“It’s gonna go one of two ways. We’re screwed or Yurio’s screwed.” Viktor muttered loudly.

 

“He might not like it, so he can refuse the songs and choreography.” Yuki shrugged like it was no big deal. “The long program is an original. It’s perfect for someone like Yurio, but it’ll be difficult to pull off.”

 

“Can all of you shut up? I don’t want to hear all this fucking shit about me when I’m trying to eat, goddammit!”

 

Yuki laughed fondly, collecting the dishes from anyone who was finished and beginning to wash them as well. Yuuri began to help dry the dishes. “I’ll show it to you tomorrow morning, Yurio. I’m almost certain that I’ll finish it today.”

 

“Your skates are too dull to skate in, asshole.”

 

“I’ll make it work.” 

 

“I get nervous when I spend more than 15 hours without sharpening mine.” 

 

“Well, I haven’t sharpened mine in about 60 hours.” Yuki looked at their horrified faces. “Sue me. I’m not a professional athlete anymore.”   
  


“Fuck you.”

 

* * *

 

Yuki hissed in pain when he slipped on the ice again. Tugging his ponytail in frustration, he grabbed his blade in order to inspect it. Running his index finger along the blade, he pouted. It didn’t even hurt a little bit. That was an extremely bad sign.

 

_ Dammit, Yurio’s right…. _

 

Yuki skated toward the exit, quickly taking his skates off. His blades were much too dull to continue skating. Glaring in frustration, he went to his bag and sat down, examining his skates and checking the damage that had been inflicted. 

 

No signs of rust or anything major, just dullness. 

 

“FUCK YOU YUKI! I WAS RIGHT, GET YOUR FUCKING KNIFE SHOES SHARPENED!”

 

Yuki shook his head, holding his hands up in surrender. 

 

The rink at St Petersburg was famous for playing host to champions, a place where the best of the ice rink sports gathered. It was also opened to the public with skates for rental. To save time for figure skaters, ice dancers, hockey players and all the rest, there were people who could sharpen shoes inside the rink.

 

Yuki took his skates there, paying and returning back to the rink. Yurio instantly skated up to him.

 

“I’m going to head to the dance studio with Katsudon for a bit of extra practice. Lilia won’t be there, wanna come?” Yurio offered gruffy.

 

Yuki smiled, nodding. “Sure and thanks for the offer.” 

 

“We’ll be back after lunch.” Yurio muttered, skating off to collect his things. Yuki collected his things as well, finding Yurio waiting for him there. Yuuri walked up to them with his everything in his bag, ready to go.

 

“The studio?”

 

“About 10 minutes by bus.” Yurio answered. “Follow me and don’t lose track of me. Even Katsudon can’t get there sometimes.” 

 

Yuuri smiled at Yuki before they began to walk out of the rink, toward the closest bus station. Yuki didn’t bother trying to remember every detail, following Yuuri and Yurio like a lost puppy.

 

When they got to the studio, all three of them left their bags in the corner of the room, putting on ballet shoes. Wearing flexible clothing was already apart of their routine, so none of them really had to get changed, except maybe take off a jacket or sweater.

 

Yurio quickly turned the heater on after putting on his pointe shoes. He offered his normal ballet shoes for Yuki, since they were almost the same size. Yuki’s feet were a little bit smaller than Yurio’s but the shoes were still okay to dance in. 

 

“Show me the pearl biellmann spin combination.” Yurio demanded.

 

Yuki chuckled. “This is a far cry from how it is on the ice, you know?”

 

“Yeah, but I can’t get it right still.”

 

Yuki resumed position for the pearl spin effortlessly and gracefully. He stretched his leg up and uncurled his back in order to make the biellmann spin position. The process was quick, effortless and elegant on Yuki’s part, but Yuuri and Yurio knew that it was anything but. Yuki just had the practice to make it seem that way.

 

Yuki let go of his leg, standing properly again. “You know that it’s gonna hurt if you fall, right?”

 

Yurio muttered something in russian before disappearing out into the hallway. Minutes later, he returned with gymnastic mats and a whole heap of them. 

 

The three of them began to arrange everything into the middle of the small studio. Yuki began to help the two flexible skaters out with stretches and positions to help them do their absolute best for the upcoming season. He demonstrated anything the other two were struggling with, especially with spins. 

 

They all laughed at the person who fell, they all helped each other out. It was a nice but strange friendship the three had developed. Toward the end of their time in the studio, Yurio began to play random music from his phone.

 

Yurio began to dance to the music and so did Yuuri. Yuki simply watched as the mats were kicked aside and a dance off ensued.

 

Good thing his phone never left his hand.

 

Two hours after they got to the studio, Yuki decided that they needed lunch. Yuuri and Yuki helped Yurio return the mats to the random things closet, grabbed their stuff and left the dance studio. Yurio took them to a diner nearby, ordering for the two japanese men in russian.

 

“So, how are things with Viktor and Otabek?” Yuki smiled slyly.

 

“Fine.” Yuuri answered simply. The two were living with Yuuri and Viktor, nothing really needed to be said. Yuuri and Yuki looked over at Yurio expectantly, since Otabek was sharing Yurio’s room.

 

“What?” Yurio snapped with a glare.

 

“ _ Oh, Beka! I-- _ ”

 

Yurio threw his phone at Yuki, who began to imitate the young russian. Yuki grinned, catching the phone and unlocking it. Making sure that Yurio saw what he was doing, Yuki edged his finger closer and closer to instagram.

 

Yurio’s eyes widened in horror, leaning over the booth in order to snatch his phone back. Yuki didn’t bother to tighten his grip on the device, laughing openly at Yurio’s behaviour.

 

_ So simple minded. Very easy to read. _

 

“Nothing’s going on between Otabek and I!” 

 

His red face said otherwise.

 

“You know, if people didn’t know any better, they’d ship Yukio….” 

 

Yuki chose to ignore that and Yurio was too busy trying to change his password to notice. They all ate their meals with light, mundane chatter, avoiding figure skating and talking about their lives in general. 

 

Yuki, Yuuri and Yurio all told each other stories, whether happy or embarrassing. Yuki and Yuuri told embarrassing but happy stories about each other and Yurio laughed. When it came time for Yurio to speak, he spoke of the time he met Otabek [again].

 

Finally, they got back onto the topic of figure skating when Yuki received a message.

 

_ We fixed it as fast as we could, since we know that you’re tight on time. Fujimoto-san sends his regards and I do as well. Good luck choreographing this. _

 

_ Thank you for getting this done so quickly! I appreciate the effort and thank you to both of you for your hard word! _

 

“Who was that?” Yurio asked, noticing the elated smile on Yuki’s lips.

 

“Debatably the two most talented musicians in Japan.” Yuki grinned. “I just received another copy of your short program that I asked them to edit for me.”

 

“Jesus, you still have contacts like this from your skating days…. Remind me why you’re retired?”   
  


Yuki laughed, covering his mouth with a hand. “These two were the ones who helped me out when I first moved to Tokyo, since they’re much more familiar with the area. They did try to arrange music that inspired me to skate.”

 

“And?” Yuuri asked.

 

“I almost did it.” Yuki admitted it. “Too bad there wasn’t any skating rinks near me otherwise I would’ve given in.”

 

Yuuri and Yurio stared at Yuki, carefully making mental notes and filing them into their brain. Yuki jumped a little as he ate, realising what he said. Yurio simply laughed.

 

_ I still don’t have a complete grasp on my own behaviour it seems…. _ Yuki frowned, looking down at his plate of foreign food.  _ But then again…. _

 

_ He doesn’t want to win, does he? _

 

“Well, Yuki, how’s uni?” Yuuri asked softly.

 

“It’s okay. I have classes everyday and it  _ is _ a little busy sometimes. Nothing’s too hard.” Yuki smiled. “I do run out of things to do when I don’t have school or work.”

 

“Your boss and professors are okay with you skipping for two weeks?” Yurio asked. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” Yuki chuckled at the look of confusion that Yurio wore. “I’m teacher’s pet at school since I’m the youngest in my classes and still top of class for almost every subject. My boss is also quite kind.”

 

“Hmmm, I see.” Yuuri smiled. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself a little more and relax. You also need your exercise daily.”

 

“I go on runs at the park nearby everyday. There’s nothing better to do.”

 

“And yet your fucking stamina has only gotten worse.” Yurio grumbled. 

 

Yuki didn’t bother to explain himself. He simply smiled, deciding that he couldn’t finish his meal [again] and pushed the plate away.

 

“You look like a girl, act like a girl, move like a girl and eat like a fucking girl.” Yurio scowled.

 

“So do you, when you’re on ice.” Yuki smiled.

 

“Y-you guys….”   
  


“Fuck you.”

 

“Thank you.” Yuki smiled, burying his nose into his scarf before stretching his neck again. “Plus, you can’t judge because of your hair and flexibility.”

 

“Katsudon must be quite feminine then too.”

 

“Yup, because we’re all so flexible for men.” Yuki agreed. “But Otabek skates surprisingly well for someone who isn’t that flexible. You don’t usually think of inflexible people in figure skating.” 

 

“Well, Beka’s just that good.” Yurio huffed proudly. Yurio was so adorable. 

 

* * *

 

Yuki said a brief goodbye to Yuuri and Yurio before collecting his skates. He laced them up, taking his sweet time as he did so.

 

By the time he was back on the ice, he was ready to skate to the new program. 

 

Yuki squeezed his eyes shut before he hit play on his phone. Quickly slipping his phone back into the pocket of his sweater, he took position and began to move along with the music, along with the choreography he had planned.

 

None of his movements came too hard to him, nor were any of them forced. It seemed completely natural and well rehearsed. People couldn’t help but stop and look at Yuki in all his glory, amazed at his talents.

 

Yuki not only performed perfectly on a technical level, but perfectly on an emotional level, despite no one knowing what song he was skating to. He embodied the songs he skated to, understanding it emotionally and displaying it with his entire being. 

 

Yuki barely dared to keep his eyes open as he skated, wanting to relinquish his entire being to the beautiful song he skated to. The choreographed movements became natural to him, like it was second nature. No one was forcing him to do anything, it was just Yuki doing his best for someone else. 

 

He skated the same two choreography over and over, alternating between the two. People began to notice them as short and long programs and started to wonder if Yuki was practicing for a competition.

 

Toward the end of the day, an hour or two before the group usually left, Yurio noticed that Yuki stopped performing any jumps, but he kept skating to the two routines, Yurio didn’t really register it at first, Yuki was merely marking his jumps.

 

Yuki was marking his jumps.

 

That thought finally set in for Yurio, and he stared at Yuki, his mouth agape. Never had anyone seen Yuki become so exhausted that he stopped performing jumps. It was  _ foreign _ to even imagine. 

 

As the song closed, Yuki made a few more adjustments, keeping a  few more factors in mind. Making too many edits at once overwhelmed him from experience, so Yuki made small adjustments with every runthrough. He struggled to maintain his breathing pattern, hiding his mouth behind his hand.

 

Resting for a rest minutes, Yuki skated to an open space and took position as the music started again. Kazekurai and Fujimoto were thoughtful enough to leave a few seconds empty at the beginning of the recordings so that he had time to get into position after hitting play and putting his phone into his pocket.

 

Yuki made sure that the two songs were on a playlist that was on loop so he could be as time efficient as possible. Keeping mental notes in mind, Yuki went through the short program before jumping into the long program.

 

Yet again, he marked all of his jumps instead of jumping to them. Yuki was too exhausted to actually jump to the programs, barely having enough energy to run through both once each before wanting to stop.

 

Despite his body’s physical protest, his mental state urged him to continue and his emotions were elated. Yuki decided to follow the latter two, skating to improve the program, make it better and easier and relish in the beautiful feeling. 

 

Dabbing a towel across his forehead to remove sweat, Yuki sighed and tossed the towel back into his bag, rummaging around for his drink bottle. Yuki scowled when he found it empty, but he tossed it back in and waddled back toward the barriers. Watching Yurio skate out of the corner of his eye, Yuki quickly looked away.

 

He began to skate again after taking his blade guards off. Yuki shuffled a random playlist and began to skate at random, not really caring about what he was doing. He practiced his spins and footwork, continuing to observe his friends’ progresses.

 

Otabek was working on his spins, trying to extend his repertoire. His flexibility was his major weak point, but he was working hard and improving.

 

Viktor was working on choreography for himself and Yuuri, piecing together step sequences, jumps and spins almost effortlessly as he took his talents and stamina or Yuuri’s talents and stamina into account.

 

Yuuri was practicing his quad jumps, improving their success rates steadily along with his stamina.

 

Then there was Yurio. There wasn’t anything that Yurio wasn’t trying to improve. Spins, footwork, jumps, anything he could think of, he’d try and extend. Yuki tried to limit the young teen, knowing that he shouldn’t be focussing on so much. Even so, Yurio was only improving.

 

Yuki smiled at his friends’ progresses, proud and happy for each of them. He was there to support each of them in anyway he could, giving them all tips and confusing explanations and demonstrations. 

 

Yuki made comments and critiques in his head for Yurio, just in case the blond teen wanted to know anything. He pirouetted on the spot, focussing on balancing on his blades effortlessly as he waited for something to happen. 

 

Yuki had already been picked on that day, along with Guang Hong and Phichit. He skated along to the Circle of Life from The Lion King, something that even Yuki couldn’t take seriously, flubbing jumps and spins subtly as he laughed through the song. Poor Guang Hong was basically forced to skate to Barbie Girl and Phichit volunteered to skate along to Let It Go from Frozen.

 

Fuck.

 

At least it was hilarious to the audience.

 

To say that Yuki’s performance was outstanding would honestly be full of bullshit is a complete surprise on its own. Yuki just couldn’t connect with the song with everyone laughing and giggling, so he just went with it and made a fool of himself.

 

No one really cared. It was honestly refreshing to see that Yuki wasn’t as perfect and stoic as they all assumed. It showed that Yuki was able to flub jumps, spins, footwork and choreography just as easily as the rest of them.

 

It made Yuki look more human.

 

And Yuki noticed.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first thing's first. 
> 
> 1\. I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking when I first began to write this.  
> 2\. No, Yuki will not be shipped with anyone.  
> 3\. Can someone kill me?  
> 4\. Why did I do this??
> 
> So, I had to rewrite a few things before posting since I'm actually close to finishing this book. Expect weekly updates or something like that, but I'm horrible at keeping with schedules. The chapters start off extremely short in comparison to later chapters because this was meant to be a short story, but I suck at writing short stories, I'm more of a novelist so expect a gigantic word count. 
> 
> Just note that I'm a freeform author. I legit planned out this entire book, but as I was writing, I decided to take a few twists that turned out really good, so I kept them. I looked at my plans and realised one had to go. Or I plan things and I accidentally stray from the plan and I restart anyway. Being a freeform writer has its downsides....
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed I suppose! I promise that it does get better because the start of books are always the worst! Or I just personally suck at writing them! Either way works, I'll let you decide.


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